What Happened to the Music?

"At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self." -Brendan Francis

Two staff members moved to town this weekend. Both of whom are not returning to work here in Grassy next year, and are ready to be part of a larger community or back home. It was difficult to watch them load up and drive away. As much as I love my job and feel that what I am doing in the classroom is important, the memories of our years in Willowdale are echoing strongly in a big empty heart this afternoon.

I remember whenever I was having a hard day dealing with either the social conflicts among my students or tensions at school, I would shut the door at the end of the day and sit down at the piano. It was soul-cleansing to sing my frustration and confusion away. I always came home more cheerful for having the time to do that. Sometimes, if it was a particularly difficult day in the classroom, we would stop in class and spend some time singing- the focus on praising God always shifted our focus from ourselves and the emotions roiling through the room. Then we could regroup and move on again. I miss having a piano in my classroom and the space to use it during and after school.

I realized this afternoon that I have not sung wholeheartedly for months. My heart aches with that. Singing has been my prayer life, my conversation with God on a level that I have never been able to find with only words. Sometimes I have felt that when I am lost in the sound, feeling, and mood of the music heaven pours into the room and light is brighter. I want my sunlight back.

"Music has charms to soothe the savage breast
To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. " -William Congreve