Sick Leave

I had my first week of doctor-ordered sick leave this past week.  It took me a full day to get over feeling guilty for not being at work.  Then I moped around feeling miserable.  Once I started feeling better the guilt returned. I know that I needed the rest.  I feel vastly better, both physically and emotionally. But I always struggle with feeling like I am letting my students down when I am not there. However this is the very first time in fifteen years that I have not dragged myself to work still sick and as a result extended my recovery time significantly (and probably shared my germs with all my students).

Usually we think that the real troupers are the employees who drag themselves into work if they can stand.  I have often been heard to say, "If I can stand, I can teach,"  But I realize after this week that I had it all wrong.  To teach really well, I need to be whole, healthy, and strong.  Only then am I in good enough shape to be sensitive to the emotions and needs of my students.  Otherwise I am too  immersed in my own misery and symptoms to really be tuned into them.

So, I am changing how I do business.  When I am sick, I will take the time to get better without feeling guilty.  I will honour the rights of my students to a quality education by staying away when I cannot truly give them a quality day. 

Jackpot

My DH has never lost the love of LEGO from his childhood.  It is part of why his kids think he is the best papa in the whole world.  On rainy days he always seems to have a set stashed away somewhere for them to build together. 

(Sidebar: that man has an inhuman capacity to squirrel away surprises to show his love)

Over the past several years has purchased some for his kids and a few just for him; for silly pictures and to build while de-stressing in the evening.  Its kind of like scrapbooking is was for me.  Well yesterday he got a bee in his bonnet and dug his collection all out from its corner in his side fraction of the closet and gave it to the Sprouts for their amusement.  He walked away mumbling, "That's what it's really for."

Both Sprouts had eyes bigger than saucers.  Papa giving them his LEGO?  For keeps!  What a jackpot.  His is built and ready to make into towns and cities and create adventures for all the little LEGO people.  They spent yesterday afternoon in both their rooms creating a massive LEGO adventure story.

Right after he finished his breakfast this morning, Jo ran upstairs to wake up his sister by whispering in her ear, "Remember, we are going to play LEGO today!"  And they did.

Celebrating

After a very long Monday (some Mondays are just that way) I came home to two very cheerful Sprouts and a little neighbour who, nervous of encountering bears, wanted to be walked home.  As the sun was shining and the air was crisp it was a pleasure to help her be brave as she went home.  And on the way back the Sprouts and I took our time and enjoyed the simple pleasures of tossing rocks along the road and trying to find the exact one we tossed.

Now that the Sprouts are tucked safely into their beds I have sat down at the computer to tackled the work of the evening.

The first task was to check on the status of my online course.  I handed in my last assignments late last week and have been waiting for the intsructor to evaluate and post final feedback.  She posted it today and so my first "work" was to read that I am now a Special Education Specialist.  Woohoo!

So, I am celebrating the achievement of a big professional goal; earn a Specialist designation.  And I am inordinately pleased with myself.

Now, what next?

And Another

Thursday after school LK came into my room and said he had a present for me.  I have the most wonderfully generous sweetie who expresses his love for his family with random gifts.  So, full of anticipation, I followed him down to his classroom (this is done at school because our mail is delivered to the school and he seemed to be impatient about sharing this gift).  He handed me a package that was beautifully wrapped and tied with a bow.

Unwrapping it I found this inside...

It is a copy of a book that I use to introduce the reading strategy of inferring each school year.  It is a beautiful picture book with the most lovely watercolour illustrations.  It has a magical quality that quiets every class as they wonder at the identity of this mysterious man.  LK had listened when I mentioned that I wanted to order a copy for my classroom instead of hunting someone else's copy down every year.  And then he hunted it down online and ordered it for me.

But the sweetest part of the gift was the inscription on the title page.  He emailed Barbara Berger and asked her to autograph it.  She went to the local bookstore and signed it before they wrapped it and sent it.  Apparently she doesn't usually do that.  But she did.  Just because my love went so far out of his way to show how much he cares. 

Much sweeter than any chocolate!

**Please note that the poor quality photos are mine, not LK's. 

The usually fab pics you see on my blog are all his. 

The slightly-grainy-not-always-in-focus ones are mine (see above).

Sweets of One Kind

Today was our weekly trek into town.  For most of the winter LK and I have taken turns going while the other stays home with the Sprouts (who are very happy not to be stuck in the car for hours) and gets the majority of the weekend housework done.  With spring we have made more trips with all four of us hoping for days that are perfect for wandering along hiking trails or waterfront and licking ice cream cones. Unfortunately most of those days are during the week so far this spring.

Anyhoo... at the end of the errands, feeling a we bit grounchy I succumbed to temptation and bought what could be my very favourite chocoate EVER.  It is absolutely divine.  Dark, ever-so-slightly bitter, laced with a fruity depth and a hint of nuts.  Grown-up chocolate.

Very good medecine for a grey skies grouchy day.

Worry

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink;

or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food,

and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air;

they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. 

Are you not much more valuable than they? 

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" 

Matthew 6:25-26

I worry endlessly about the future; will my kids be okay, will I have a job, will we have a home, where will be put down roots, will we be far from family always?  And then there are the big questions and worries; have we slipped off the knife's edge in climate change, will there be a future for my children, will First Nations and the rest of Canada ever be at peace with one another?  And silly selfish worries; will my husband still love me, will my colleagues still respect me, will my parents still be proud of me? 

For much of my life I have escaped from the demands of the present and my worries about the future into the world of fiction.  It has provided a place where everything ends happily and I know that there will be resolution.  Bad guys get what they deserve.  Good guys are rewarded with some kind of happily ever after.  But that just isn't how it works in this broken world.

How do I let go of anxiety and fear and trust that I am far more precious to my Heavenly Father than the birds of the air. How do I relax into the protection of His hand, at peace with His provision?

First I remind myself constantly that He has never let me down before.  He has always been faithful.  In the story if God and his people He has consistently kept his promises and provided.  After thousands of years of faithfulness, do I really need to worry that he will suddenly stop now?

Second, I will watch the birds as they gather around the lakes in greater numbers after the winter.  Eagles rebuilding nests damaged in winter snow.  Ducks chasing away competition as they search for spots to lay eggs.  Woodpeckers drilling holes in telephone poles. Robins hopping across the lawn looking for the juiciest worm.   I will remind myself with each one that I am more precious to Him than any of these.  He will provide for my needs.