Sleepless

I have been feeling a malaise this weekend. It seems to have seeped into my very bones. I don't know where this exhaustion is coming from, I have been eating well, getting lots of exercise, and - wait - I have not been sleeping well. That must be it.

Sleep. Sweet, sweet sleep. I know that every mother on the planet regularly bemoans her lack of sleep. This time, though, it isn't really because of my kids.

I have been tossing and turning like there are nettles in my bed. I cannot get to sleep or stay asleep. It could be stress - I am prone to stressing out about things.

We are entering the season of anticipation; not Advent, but waiting to see about contracts for next year. Because of the upheaval at school this past month things are a bit tense around school. There is a lot of chatter in quiet corners about the future. I think that this is common when there is a change in leadership. I suppose that in many other professions this is a part of business as usual - leadership changes and the whole place gets a shake-up. It isn't usually like that in schools. Once you have established yourself with solid teaching practice and some seniority at a school, you don't really have to go through the annual worry about having a job next year. It's not tenure, but in the same vein, I guess.

It is strange that I feel so unsure. I know that I do my job well. I know that my admin. is happy with my work. I also know that getting teachers with experience and Spec. Ed. courses is not easy for reserve schools. However, I am feeling very much vulnerable to politics.

That nasty word, politics, raises its ugly head everywhere. It makes me want to close my classroom door, keep my head down and just trudge through every day without taking risks or sharing joys and sorrows with my colleagues. That would make me wither and die though. I love to share and hear ideas from colleagues.

Oh, well. This will pass, and there will be something new to worry about. For now, it helps to put it in words and try to let it go. Going outside to play with my kids will help, too. And it is a beautiful day out there.