Sticks and Stones

Do you remember the expression we used to chant at kids who were calling us names?

"Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me!"

It was wrong. Names can shatter the bones of our courage and confidence more than any sticks or stones.

After my last post I received an angry comment that felt like a personal attack from behind a mask. It was a reminder of how it feels to be called names. It hurts. A lot. It is even worse when you don't know who is calling you names or why.

My response? First there were the typical (and, yes, sinful) set of responses; denial, anger, hurt. Then I called my mom. (What else does a girl do when she needs a shoulder?) She is woman of great compassion and wisdom. She listened to my hurt and pain spill out onto her shoulder through the phone lines. She poured a little motherly healing compassion on them.

And then she challenged me to find the lesson in this. What do I need to change in my behaviour? What do I need to look for in the pain of this other person that they are lashing out at me? How does my heart need to be transformed so that rather than sitting and wallowing in my own feelings, I am focused on the feelings and needs of others? How can I step forward and be transformed more into the image of Christ?

It has been a really hard weekend. I have laid awake at night. I have had miserable dreams. I have replayed most of the conversations I have had with people in my life for the past two months. I have searched my own heart. And, yes, I have found it wanting in compassion, humility, and love. (I tip over the balance between confidence and arrogance very easily; when I am not wallowing in complete self-doubt).

I know that this is an opportunity to grow. I can now (after more than 30 years) recognize opportunities for spiritual growth by the pain that is involved. So, friends and family, if I am slipping into gossip or unkindness please call me on it. It can be ask simple as, "EK, I think we are slipping into gossip here." I need to be held accountable.

One request. Do it to my face. I will do my best to listen to your words and take them deeply to heart. But when the critique comes from behind a mask and is filled with words that attack, they hurt a lot. And those injuries leave permanent scars behind.

Please don't throw sticks and stones.