Character Growth

I have been reading Already Pretty for about a year now. I rather enjoy her approach to fashion; have fun, experiment, and there is no such thing as too many boots. Sally, the blogger, also regularly posts about the struggle that women have with self esteem. She is frank and honest about her own struggles, which is a big encouragement to me in my own struggles.

As I grow through the second half of my thirties, it feels to me like every year I feel more comfortable in my skin. But self esteem isn't just about appearance and our skin. Although I have made progress on accepting my outside, I am still working on the inside.

Our insides are hard to work on. I think that it is harder to grow character than to learn to love your appearance. I may be wrong, but that is my own experience. Personal growth is always painful for me. It often involves months of agonizing over an incident that makes me realize that I have an area in my character that is less than wonderful.

A bad day, a look from a student or colleague, a parent who doesn't like the way I handled a situation with their child, a cranky husband, or a whiny child... all of these can shake me to my core. They don't always, but sometimes it just takes a small thing to make me start down the path of self-analysis.

Something that I am trying really hard right now to do is address issues when they come up rather than stew for days and blow things all out-of-proportion (a glaring weakness in my character). I don't like confrontation. It is hard to bring up an issue with my spouse when he has hurt my feelings. It is hard to go to my child's teacher about something that my child is hurting over. It is hard to approach a friend who seems to be putting up walls rather than chatting at open doors.

But, if I don't do all of those things, I will end up alienated and alone. And loneliness is miserable.