There is No Plural for Moose (and other tidbits from my day)

We had a lovely start to our Christmas holidays with a dinner at the home of our school counselor who lives in Kenora. She is a gracious lady of Mennonite background who has been involved with Grassy for over a decade on and off. She originally came to teach in the Christian School back when there was a Christian school here in Grassy. Now she is teaching some of the practical high school courses and also serving as the school counselor.

This was very encouraging after watching the rest of the staff leave yesterday to go home to their families. It was nice to have family right here, but hard to watch them go and know that we are not going home to ours this year. We were a bit mopey this afternoon. But our visit with D lifted our spirits a lot.

Last Friday night I was driving with all my antennae up for moose- no moose, but a trip into the ditch. Tonight we drove home in top defensive driving mode (ie. slow- 60 kmph the whole way) worried about a trip into the ditch- and saw two moose! It was a good thing that we were driving so slow, or we would definitely have had damage to the car. BIG creatures.

They were right in the middle of the road, out for an evening stroll. And our lights didn't exactly put them in a hurry to move off the road. One was very polite, moving to the side immediately (consideration embodied), but the other walked up the road, stopped and looked at our flashers, then walked a little farther. After carefully looking us over she decided to move on. They were slow enough that Fi even got a good look from the back seat.

That means my wildlife list is complete! Hooray!!

However, about 12km from home our lights picked up an ambulance in the ditch (so I am not the only one who finds these roads a bit treacherous). There was no one there, so we continued on home. It must have happened earlier in the day and be waiting for a tow truck in the morning.

Eight Sleeps...

We picked up Christmas packages at the post office today. The boxes from family and friends filled the back of the car. That doesn't even count the package that is waiting to be picked up in Kenora (Purolator doesn't deliver out this far). Fiona was so excited. "I can wait to Christmas, there are only eight more sleeps." she chirped from the backseat.

I am excited because there are only two more sleeps to the Christmas break. Tomorrow is our Christmas Concert and Friday is clean-up day. Here, the Christmas Concert is at 1:00 and is followed by a community feast. The students don't come in on Friday, and staff make sure that the celebratory mess is cleaned up and daybooks are ready for the 5th. I don't even have to teach tomorrow morning, as students will arrive at school at 11:30, just in time for lunch. It's a rough life.

LK is looking for a service for us to attend on Christmas Eve together. There is an afternoon service at the cemetery with thousands of candles lit. We are thinking that would be a uniquely Kenoran way to celebrate. We are also really looking forward to our first Christmas Day in twelve years that we can get up and open presents in our jammies, rather than meet LK at church (he always was there super early Christmas Day to prepare for the brass players). I don't remember that last time I wasn't in church on Christmas Day morning.

In other news, the big news item LK brought home from town today was... (drum roll for my sister)... an IKEA is being built in Winnipeg!!!!! Right now the closest IKEA is Calgary- too far even for me. But Winnipeg! My goodness, that's practically on our doorstep. Woohoo!! My cup runneth over.

Off Roading Adventure

My goal this winter was to get through the whole winter without going off the road. I say 'was' because I did tonight.

Fi and I went into town for a girls afternoon and to shop for Christmas presents for the boys. We had a lovely time, and were successful in our mission. We dined chez Ronald (McDonald), Fi's first choice for dining in Kenora and she proudly bore her My Little Pony treat to join her collection of Ronald treats in the car.

We were about 25km from Kenora on a nice straight stretch (rare on the Grassy road), listening to Christmas carols and occasionally singing along. I was carefully scanning ahead for signs of moose, I really didn't want to hit one of those. I hear they can really dent your car. They are also occasionally cranky and will charge cars. Any, we were being cautious.

We hit a little bump and started a minor skid. I forgot Bill Cosby's advice to turn in the direction of the skid, and tried to correct. I over-corrected. So I calmly said to Fi, "Fiona I think we are going off the road."

"Oh no Mama!"

BUMP!

"Were you driving too fast?"

"No, I was being really careful."

"Are we going to be stuck in here forever?"

"No, someone will come along and help us. I need to turn the music off and think for a moment."

"Ma-ma, I'm scared!" in a wail from the backseat.

"Honey, don't cry. Let's pray."

The blessings immediately apparent; no injuries (except to my pride), we were on solid ground rather than in one of the thousand lakes along that road, the car was undamaged, and it looked to me like we might be able to get ourselves out with a little pushing power. The down-side was that winter has hardly begun and my goal is trashed, and LK will worry because we are going to be late.

So I climbed out of the car after making sure that Fi was tucked in under the cozy car blankets and had some quiet music to listen to. Outside there was a lovely light snow falling. Thankfully all the snow that fell this week has been the light fluffy stuff; terrible for snowmen and snowballs, but wonderful to shovel.

So I started shovelling. First to make sure the tailpipe was clear, and then to try and clear a path back up to the road. Ten minutes later a car pulls up with two ladies from Grassy inside. Their first question, "Is everybody okay?" They can't really help, one being pregnant, and no cell phone reception north of Kenora, but they promise to let LK know we will be late and are okay. They offer to take Fi home, but she was already stressed enough without being sent off with two people she didn't know.

It is payday Friday. There will be lots of traffic along the road going home with people heading home from town after doing their errands. I also realized that it is Small Group night in town for some of the staff; they will be driving home within a few hours also. We have a full tank of gas, warm blankets and it is only -8 outside. We are going to be fine.

Ten more minutes of shovelling go by. The next vehicle,a pickup, stops. Down rolls the window, "Is everybody okay?" Out climb three adults and one of Fi's classmates. Its Vicki. She works at the school. I am so thankful at this point because I realized I have no clue what I am doing and my dad's words echo in my head- kitty litter for traction. Although perhaps traction wasn't going to be enough to get us back on the road.

Two pickups and a police cruiser later, we were turned around 180 degrees in the ditch and drove back up on the road. Hallelujah!

I drove home the rest of the way at 60km/h. At 9:40 we pulled into the driveway and LK opened the door.

"Are you okay?"

"We are fine. Nobody hurt. Just two scared girls."

Then I started shaking. My stomach is still a bit knotted and it will be tomorrow before the kinks in my neck from hunching over the steering wheel the rest of the way home work themselves out. But we are safe and have discovered what wonderful neighbours live in Grassy.

I might need a refresher course in winter driving though.

Ho-Hum Days

Some days are up days and some days are down days and some days are ho-hum days. Although it was sunny and beautiful (and cold), it was a ho-hum day. We finished Christmas shopping in town. I like Saturdays at home better than ones filled with errands in town. I am looking forward to January when we can settle into our 'cabin in the woods' and only go into town every other weekend. I anticipate long afternoons of crafting, sledding, skating, and snowman building. Much nicer than hours in the car.

Advent

This Sunday begins one of my very favourite seasons. I love the music, the traditions, and the family time of Christmas. I also love to redecorate, so adding seasonal decor to our home makes me feel good.

It will be our first Christmas on our own. LK won't be planning and practicing for many services, we won't be madly dashing from services to visit family, and we won't be trolling the malls looking for the perfect gift at the last minute. Some of those changes will be very welcome. Some will be hard. I don't miss LK working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but do already miss the anticipation of Christmas Day brass players at church and the excitement they brought to my worship. I don't miss the drive on Christmas Day, but will miss the gathering and laughter with family members. I hate malls in December, particularly the week before Christmas when the mood turns to barely controlled panic in shoppers' eyes. I love looking for just the right item and finding it (especially at Winners).

It is a time for us to develop traditions of our own that are meaningful to us as a family. Our first was the Santa Claus parade in Kenora last night topped off with a dinner of Chinese-Canadian buffet. It was my first parade in many years (all those years in TO and we never went to the parade), since I was a girl in Perth. It was a great parade, impressive for a town of 13 000. Both kids were entranced; Jo with the trucks and lights, Fiona with Santa (who she has decided is real). The friendly camaraderie of parents and families waiting on the sidewalks was wonderful. What a nice way to begin the season.

One of our family traditions is to put up our Christmas tree and decorations on the first Sunday of Advent. So this afternoon we pulled out the Rubbermaids filled with Christmas paraphernalia and went at it. Fiona was so excited. She loves to watch the tree go together and have lights strung along each branch. When that is done she gets to lay out the ornaments and decide which ornaments go on the tree this year. Jo was fascinated by all the sparkle and the things that swayed. He did more decorating of himself than the tree. At one point he ended up with strings of red beads looped around his body from head to toe. He was very pleased with himself.

So the house looks like Christmas and the stereo is filled with music of the season. It looks like Christmas outside with more snow gently falling. My cup runneth over with good things.

5 Day Work Week

A five day work is becoming rare for me. This week school was closed again on Tuesday for a community funeral. It is payday Friday as well, which means 3 and 1/2 days of school. All this family time is wonderful, and I must admit that it is certainly easier to balance home and work with a 1/2 day every other week, but I am a bit concerned about all the learning time we are missing...

An amazing morning!

The most wonderful words a teacher can hear are any phrase that expresses joy in learning. Yesterday morning as we began math I heard one of my students exclaim, "I love math drills." (And there was truly no sarcasm in her voice.) I was grinning from ear to ear as they wrote their drills.

Math drills are a daily part of math in my classroom. I believe that knowing the basic facts automatically makes a huge difference in how students feel about and achieve in math later on. I want my student to have a chance to love math in a way I never did, until I started to teach it and really understand the beauty of the patterns in mathematical structures. So, we drill. They have a goal to reach a class average of 70/100 in order to 'graduate' from the addition drills. We celebrate with a popcorn party!

When the time is up, students exchange papers and we mark the work. Then we calculate our class average together. Yesterday, TJS was very proud of his highest score yet and asked to lead the class in finding the average. So, he wrote the scores on the chalkboard, led the class through adding 6 2-digit numbers and then used my calculator to find the average. First, they did this on their own! Second, their average was 63/100!

They were grinning from ear to ear now. I was so proud of them that we called the principal down to our classroom to show him our progress; 11/100 on their first drill in September and 63/100 on November 20. He was appropriately full of praise for their hard work and we continued with our math lesson.

It was an awesome morning!

A New Challenge

I have a student teacher starting in my classroom on Monday. Some would say that the changes I have taken on in moving to a new time zone, culture, and professional setting would be enough for one year... not me! I am a sucker for punishment. Or at least an opportunity to try something new professionally.

Those of you who have worked with me know how much I love new ideas in my classroom. I am often tweaking and trying new things. So when a colleague who is involved with a program to certify Native teachers through Nipissing approached me about doing a placement in my classroom I was delighted.

So she starts Monday. I am trying to wrap up units and organize my schedule and plans so that her time in the classroom is smooth and productive. I did not really accurately anticipate the amount of time this would take. I never do. A new idea is too exciting to pass up even if it means a lot more hours logged on the job.

Sundays and other meanderings of the mind...

So far Sundays have been the hardest days to be away from friends and family. The rest of the week we are busy with daily tasks of working and two kids. On Sunday we have a slower pace. The blessing is that we can stay in our jammies until 9:30 if we want (church doesn't start until 11) and we have a slow breakfast together. This morning both kids slept in until 8 (it was heavenly as Jo has been getting up by 6:15 all week). It is also fabulous to have LK home on Sunday mornings. No more madly rushing to get two kids to church on time by myself. Although he is not working there, he does play at church on occasion to help out. So we don't always sit in the pew together as a family. There aren't pews either...

The down side is that we have spent Sundays with our TO family for 6 years and we miss their company on Sundays the most. This Sunday was better. I think it was because LK went out shooting early this morning (with his camera) and Fi has two friends over this afternoon. Jo thinks they are here to play with him, too, and keeps trailing around after them. The house feels busy and active rather than mopey. So the key is to keep busy.

We also stayed home yesterday instead of doing the run into town filled with errands that are no fun for the kids. It was really nice to just putter here. We are planning to try and limit our town trips to once a week. Now that the roads are covered with snow and ice what was a one hour trip has stretched to 1.5 each way. That's a lot of gas!

Bouncing

My usual pattern when something frustrating happens is to be a bit of a diva; moaning and groaning a lot about my hardship, and then get over it. I love to relive stories of the hardships of life (of which I admittedly know very little).

Yesterday morning I arrived at school to find my classroom door open already. Not a big deal except for the fact that my window was broken (the frame, not the glass) and the contents of some of my desk drawers were messed up and missing. Two classrooms had been broken into. Some money from hot dog day (serves me right for leaving it there), my chocolate from Oma (how could they?), and my jump drive (with all my work on it) were missing. The money was just a bit, not a big deal. The chocolate, well it's chocolate (milk, not dark, so survivable). But the jump drive had all my work from this year on it. I have backed up, but not everything recently. Thankfully report cards were recently backed up. So I had the opportunity last night to update a bunch of work. It was a late night, but life goes on.

So now I am treating myself to a night of movies and popcorn. No schoolwork. Even though I ought to be puttering.

Yup, it's winter.

In Toronto when the stores started playing Christmas music I have always felt like Christmas was ages away. I now realize it had a lot to do with the weather. Now that we have temperatures below zero consistently and snow on the ground it feels like Christmas is on the way. It feels a bit like when I was a kid myself. In fact, this weekend I had to remind myself that it is only November and perhaps a bit early to dig out the music and decorations.

Now that we have settled into the idea of staying here at Christmas (which is necessary due to the crazy costs of gas and airline tickets, plus the purchase this fall of the new-ish vehicle and winter tires- also crazy expensive) I am looking forward to celebrating together. LK and I are trying to think of inexpensive ways to make special memories with the kids. It reminds me of Christmas in BC when I was little.

Speaking of winter tires... when we began the discussion with other, more seasoned staff members about whether winter tires were needed (we only ever used all-seasons in TO) and what price range we should look at, tires seemed somewhat affordable. Then we heard that Quebec had passed a law that all Quebec vehicles must sport winter tires and that a shortage was predicted for this winter. Fast forward a week and we are making an appointment for tires:

• Earle (mechanic): Well, I can put tires on for you next Wednesday, if we can find the time. I called Winnipeg, there are 16 tires left. I put your name on 4. Do you want them?


• LK: 16? (thinking to himself In the city?)


• Earle: In an hour they'll be gone.
  
• LK: We'll take them.


• Earle: They are $ *@% each. Do you still want them?


• LK: (gulp) ye-es.

Now that does sound like a crooked mechanic, but he isn't. His reputation in Kenora is as the most honest, trustworthy guy in town. He is for real. There are no tires left. Thanks Quebec.

Let it Snow...

Winter is here officially as of November 7. It snowed lightly all afternoon and evening yesterday. Now we have 2 inches on the ground. I wonder if it will stay?

We are in the midst of birthday party preparations this morning. Fi is excitedly awaiting the arrival of three classmates after lunch. First, however, we have a cake to ice.

My mailbox runneth over...

Just before lunch today our school secretary walked up to me and said, "There's a lot of packages in the office for you and Fiona." with a grin on her face. I danced to the office (I love mail days) and found packages from both families as well as beloved friends and my Toronto colleagues stacked on the counter. What a heart-filling moment; bubbling over with being cared for. Thank you all for showering us with love and care packages. (Mental note to self; never forget how special a care package can make you feel).
My class was agog to see what came, and all wanted me to go get Fi right away to open her presents. They have adopted her in a way. I get regular reports from them about how she is doing... "Your little girl was cold at recess" from her grade 1 peers, or "Fiona is standing in the hall." from mine as they return from the washroom after recess. Usually that means she has been watching her classmates get their coats off and go into the classroom and is standing there deciding what she ought to do next (a bit of a dreamer, that one).
They had to wait and the packages went home at the end of the day unopened (except for Oma's which I knew would have chips for LK and chocolate for me- so it was opened and the chocolate stashed at school for "emergencies"). Then Fi opened them after supper. Wonderful gifts, so thoughtful. Thank you again all for making her feel your love from so far away.
Parent-Teacher conferences were tonight as well, so I stayed at school (with a lovingly packed dinner left by LK). I always get worried and anxious about P-T Conf's. I am afraid that I have misread a student or missed something important in their growth or development and a parent is going to be upset with me. It rarely happens, but I worry anyway. Tonight they were wonderful; six of nine parents came out. All of them showed that they loved their kids just like I love mine. Several even asked how we are doing in adjusting! Wow. I felt accepted, blessed, and respected and was very encouraged.
I came home to a quiet house and had my debriefing time with LK. I love our end-of-the-day talk. It anchors me and binds us. Now I am breathing deep joy from the depths of my soul.
I just used a lot of words, but they didn't quite express how grateful I am for what those boxes mean. Thank you especially to D and J at WCS for your package. LK and I are looking forward to those ling winter nights to read and watch movies thanks to you.
P.S. winter has not arrived yet, it is supposed to show tomorrow with a real snowfall. Yesterday was still above 10 degrees!

Birthday

Fi is 5 years old today. It was a great day. First, I slept well last night, although not nearly long enough. Second we all had breakfast together this morning. I love family breakfasts, especially when LK cooks. (I really have the best husband in the world). Third, although I was late and didn't walk to school this morning I happened to head out the door just as two colleagues were leaving for school and hitched a ride easily. And when I arrived at school my duty-teammate offered to do the before school duty, which left me with 20 extra minutes to get ready for class this morning. 20 minutes can be remarkably productive if you are motivated.

The school day was a good one, lots of laughter with my students, the stress about curriculum that I have been feeling for a few days evaporated and we enjoyed learning together. As a result it was a productive day, too. However, I was hit with a long-lasting wave of exhaustion at lunchtime. By the time school was over all I could think about was a nap.

Then four little girls invaded my classroom. Fi and three classmates who are becoming close friends and play together really well came to 'visit' while she stayed with me after school. Despite the noise and mess it was delightful. I was so glad to see her laughing (somewhat manically- all pumped up on Halloween candy from the school celebrations last week and very excited about a real birthday party on Saturday) and playing with an abandon that we haven't seen anywhere but at home for months. She is really starting to feel like this is home. Praise God!

Then LK picked us up and I drove home while he ran home. The kids and I walked up the driveway to meet him as the sun set (at 5:15) and turned the treeline along the lake into a stunning silhouette. I revelled in the blessing of my family and a place to live that has constantly changing beauty all around us. I love them so much!

Dinner was Fi's choice (a birthday tradition in our house; birthday person chooses the menu) so we had mac & cheese with chicken strips. LK and I had some veggies & dip in a nod to healthy eating. The highlight was four phone calls in a row with birthday wishes from various loved ones across the province in the 10 minutes before we ate. Fiona was glowing by the time she ate. Thanks to all for the TLC, she felt so special and cared for.

After dinner was bath time, a very happily anticipated event here. Jo runs for the tub when he hears the word bath. After a lot of splashing and a soaked bathroom floor everyone was bundled into pjs and ready for bed. Just before being tucked in Fi had one last call from Auntie Heather, who actually got more than a few mumbled words out of Fi.

Then the blissful moments of peace in the house after children are quietly in bed. I love those moments, even if they are short before the night's work begins.

A good day!

No more storage!

We moved all our junk that was in storage in Kenora to our house today. Hooray! This accomplishes that goal we have been working on for three weeks. Long story and I don't want to go there again. The good news is that all our stuff is under one roof and Fiona has a dresser now. What to do with all the boxes...

Perhaps another purge of junk is in order...

Quickly...

Report cards are due tomorrow. It is also the school-wide Halloween celebration, as Friday is a PD Day. I have been marking, reporting, baking, costuming, teaching, mommying, and trying to breathe deeply since 7 am. I was at it all until 11:30 last night. It has been like this all week. I am tired. I will be delighted when this week is over. However, I am really enjoying it as well.
There are moments in all the busyness that are priceless...

• the sunset over the lake (I still cannot believe that I get to look at this every night)
• more stars in the sky than I can count at night, and only a few man-made lights around
• crisp autumn morning walks to school and the energy that comes from morning fresh air and exercise
• laughing with my students
• the joy of work hard and realizing that it is fun
• Jo's welcome home face, just like his big sister's when she was that age
• the "Oo-oh" from Jo when he sees something that intrigues him
• seeing my daughter in the halls every day at school, and walking around the playground with her
• the words, "Don't worry about it, just get your work done." from my husband on days like today
• dinner on the table every night faithfully (not cooked by me) and laundry done (also not by me!!!)
• a big hug from LK when I am at my end
• and the sweet sound of singing in harmony to start our Small Group Bible Study each Monday (the sweetest worship of my week)

Amid all the frustrations of daily life (which I am slowly coming to accept as permanently full of wrinkles that no level of personal organization can ever iron out) I am very thankful for these blessings.

Now, if I could just get my costume sorted out...

We're In!

It's done. We are officially moved in. Wow is the three bedroom house HUGE. You can't even hear someone playing upstairs in their room from downstairs.
I have not lived on more than one level since I was a student at RUC eons ago. Stairs are a lot of fun for kids. They bump down on their bums like my sisters and I used to as kids. I was worried that Jo would fall... I don't know what I was thinking. The boy is part monkey and sees them entirely as a new play structure.
Fi is delighted to have her very own room (a privilege she has been anticipating for months). She can go inside, shut her door and have time to play quietly by herself. This makes her so happy and eases some of the tension between she and Jo. She takes after her father and needs substantial doses of quiet time to recharge.
We have space for our desk and computer, the piano, and (drum roll...) a scrap booking table! I hear angels singing! I could not be happier, unless we had heat and water that was safe to drink. Minor issues, though. The school will take care of those concerns. I am just enjoying being moved before Thanksgiving.
I am thankful for our new home.

Moving!!!

We are moving tomorrow! Hooray!!! No more boxes in every room. The kids get their own rooms. The bad news is, no phone for at least another week. I feel so cut off from the world. It is amazing how I have come to rely on telephone and Internet to stay connected with people. I can only grab a few minutes here and there to get online at school. We also have e coli in the water.

This move is a good ending to a difficult week. I am really getting to see what working with students who have multiple undiagnosed issues (learning and emotional) is like. It is a huge challenge. I come home most days exhausted and emotionally drained. However, it is awesome to have a safe place to go home to and I love going home to my family.

Please support us in prayer this weekend. It is hard to be far away for the first Thanksgiving in twelve years that LK isn't working. We miss our family and friends a lot right now.

Animal I Spy

To date we have seen...

• bear
• wolf
• many bald eagles
• foxes
• ravens

When we are driving, LK sits (if I am in the drivers seat) with his camera in his lap ready to stop and shoot when we see something cool. Unfortunately by the time I pull over most critters have disappeared. He is ever hopeful.

I know he is doing okay as long as he is shooting. When the camera doesn't come out for a few days, then I worry. He is shooting more regularly now and working on slide shows for family. After we get settled in the new place (in a while) he will finish them up and pop them in the mail.

What doesn't kill you...

You know the expression, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I am not sure how much I agree with it as it doesn't leave much space for grace, however this week it was quoted to me by one of my grade 4 students. In my experience this is not a usual 8/9 year old idiom. It brought home home to me how much of adult life and its problems my students have to deal with many years before they should. Death, chronic illness, addictions of family and themselves, abandonment, and the list goes on.

I am struggling with how to handle my children being exposed to these things. Fi came home from playing outside with a classmate several days ago saying, "There was a drunker (drunk) in the woods, so we had to get away." Why does my four year old need to know about drunks, and how do I answer her question, "Mama, what does drunk mean?"


It has been a rough week. We were supposed to move to new housing today. Last night we were all packed (as LK and I like to be; duckies in a row and all) and got our key from admin. We drove over to the new place after supper to take a little load of things and check it out. They were still working. The baseboards are all ripped off the walls, the baseboards heaters are scattered about the floors, there is no water, only half the place is painted, and the kitchen is covered with 7 years' worth of dust and grime. We were somewhat discouraged.


After some recovery time and talking it out, I called the Director of Education and explained my reluctance to move my family in when the house is clearly not ready. She was okay with that and we will wait until the work is finished and the cleaners have been through. Problem solved at that end. Now we lived in a small apartment with everything packed in boxes (except the clothes we kept out for three days and 3 bowls, spoons, plates, and 1 pot) for a while (which is my new phrase for 'who knows how long'). Last night was my lowest point.


So I called my Mom. What else do you do when you need a motherly shoulder to cry on. She said, "You guys are doing so well." in response to my tears. She is not unloving, but she is able to see the big picture better than I. Big picture, we are not homeless, unemployed, separating, in danger, or hungry. We are simply frustrated, tired, and people-sick for the family and friends that feel a long way away right now. Those we will get over.


So, we just keep swimming. And when we are too tired to swim any more today, we curl up in each others' arms and go to sleep. God can carry it all until morning.

Blessings

What a beautiful day. We had weather warm enough for short sleeves and the wind was just a light breeze. The colours get more vibrant each day. Life without concrete in all directions is good.

Yesterday was a great day. For 20 whole minutes my entire class (even those who have never been able to focus before) was motivated and on task! If you are not a teacher, that won't seem like an accomplishment at all. But it is. It is remarkably hard to direct and maintain the attention of a group of children for 5 hours a day. We had a sublime half hour of intensely productive learning where my boys, who usually ask, "When is gym/recess/clean up?" every 2.5 minutes, were actually smiling while they worked. Aaah, I love my job.

Also...

We are moving again. The school is short housing for staff and so they are working madly to redo the floors in what were once OPP duplexes. We are waiting to hear that ours is ready to move into. It is good news in that there is more space, but hard to repack when we have just gotten settled and Fi is making friends on our road. The new place is on the other side of the community and a long walk to school (3.5 km).

Still no Internet at home, I am blogging from school when I have a few minutes at the end of the day. We are really missing email contact with friends and family. Will post as soon as there is progress on this front.

Heart's Desire

Our car, which has been making grumbling noises about being moved out of her cosy garage and parked outdoors, made to drive incredibly long distances, and navigate roads very much unlike the 401, is becoming temperamental. Laurens and I look at each other every time we hit a pothole and wonder, "Will it make it another trip into town?"

Next month the snow flies and we will have to buy winter tires (first time ever- it's always been all-season for us city dwellers) and the front end of the Metro definitely needs a substantial bribe to stay running through the cold. So we decided to pull the plug. We have been discussing it for 2 years and now have done it.

We bought Auto Trader and leafed carefully through each ad. We had to curb dreams with the reality of budget (like everyone else) and sort through a different list of priorities than a month ago. Suddenly my heart's desire (Mazda 5) wasn't even on the radar- totally impractical. Instead we returned to an old wish that we were sure in Toronto was our of range- Subaru.

It just so happened that there were three used Subarus advertised last week. So we made some calls and did some surfing online. We discovered that there is one Subaru dealership in Winnipeg, Manitoba (the only one for hundreds of miles) and they just had received a trade in (2003 Forester).

Long story short...

It was our heart's desire. Now it is sitting outside our little home. We had great fun test-driving and negotiating price. And are really enjoying the extra legroom and a CD player. When we sat down to set a value on our car for trade-in, we realized how bare-bones she was (not air, cruise, CD player- just the base model) and were even more tickled at being able to 'graduate' to a car with all those bells and whistles (I know- some of them are standard today).

For the first time it was a pleasure to drive the Grassy road home and not fear flying off the road.

Quick Note

We are now on the hunt for a new (to us) vehicle. The car seems to be limping slower and slower towards the happy hunting grounds. We are also not keen on being stranded between Kenora and Grassy for hours with two children in a broken-down vehicle. So, before that happens, we are working to find a replacement for the Metro.

This is not the most fun journey, we don't look forward to the haggling, but it is interesting to see what is out there and try to find a match for our needs. It sure isn't the same set of criteria we were looking at last time we thought about this. Now snow handling, 4wd, and towing capability are high on the list. Of course mileage is important with our 200km a week drives into town.

Two Weeks In...

We had a good week all around. I have a great class of students, with a wonderful sense of humour. I have lots of multi-leveled instruction to do in literacy and numeracy particularly. This is just the sort of challenge that I love. I am just frustrated with all the primary resources that I left behind in TO thinking that I would not be teaching primary again. I could really use them right now.

Fiona is in grade 1, being tested before school began and recommended to be placed there. The first week has been hard for her. Grade 1 routines are not the same as JK. She has a lot less play time and a lot more seatwork. She is also dealing with a new home, community and school in one shot. Prayer for her as she adjusts and for us as we try to support her would be appreciated.

Sundays are still hard. We miss our church family in TO a lot. We have been going to the mission church here is Grassy for two weeks and see lots of potential for how we can serve, but don't see how we will be fed. A friend recommended finding a church home where we can be fed rather than serving right away as wise in our situation (she has been in a similar situation). We are trying to figure out how to do the 80km drive on Sundays too. It seems a long way to go for Sunday school. However, that is our spiritual food, and Fi doesn't have the benefit of Christian Ed this year, so she needs it more than ever. Again, prayers appreciated.

LK went fishing on Saturday with the Resource Head's husband and son. He had a great time and is looking forward to learning to clean fish so he can bring them home and cook them too!

Catching Up

It has been a bit since I posted... sorry, we've been busy.

Let's see, the quick review...

1. Left Toronto August 11 and drove 4 days, arrived August 15.
2. Had a gracious welcome at the Sakatcheway Anishinabe School and were led to our new home.
3. Tiny little 3 bedroom apartment in a one level 4-plex. Photos coming on LK's Flickr when we are online at home.
4. Spent two days (hardest two days of my life- including delivering babies) getting a semblance of order to life.
5. Started work August 18 with a friendly staff who welcomed me warmly.
6. Am now starting to loose the "I miss..." and "I want to go home." phrases from our vocabulary. There are moments though when it would be really nice to be able to walk down to the grocery store.
7. Fiona and I start school tomorrow!

We are currently waiting for our dial-up software to come in the mail (which is only delivered on Tuesdays and Thursdays) so we can update from home. I am madly typing this after-hours to keep y'all in the loop. Besides I missed my journalings quite a bit while we have been in upheaval.

More later.

Step Out of the Boat

This morning's sermon was aimed right at my heart. Amazing how that happens right when you need rebuke or encouragement.

Matthew 14:22-34: Jesus walks on water and Peter jumps out of the boat to do the same. The sermon focussed on Peter and his response to Christ. It was the first time I have ever identified with a disciple. It felt a bit odd.

From the passage there are three questions to answer:

1. What is your boat?
2. What is your storm?
3. What are the conditions that enable us to walk on water?

Walking on water can be defined as putting ourselves in a situation where we are bound to fail unless the Lord is with us. Well, that sounded pretty familiary to me. In fact it sounded like my jump in April.

I thought of myself and what LK and I have struggled with this past six months as we stepped out of our boat and are tentatively taking steps towards Christ on the water. I thought of friends who are in their boats right now, perhaps they are being prepared to step out and God is laying the groundwork.

I have a new perspective on our six years here in TO after today. They were a 'boat' time of rich fellowship, learning and growth. They also prepared us for this time. What an amazing God that He lays out the days of my life in such loving detail.

So I sit here on our last night in the city and I am happy more than sad. I am looking forward more than back, and I am thankful for six wonderful years with amazing people who I dearly love.

I may not be posting the rest of the week... we leave tomorrow and don't arrive at our new home until Friday. If I can find Internet access along the way I'll stay in touch, but be patient I'll be back!

Vacation

I love camping. We just got back (well two days ago) from a week and a half of time outdoors with family.

The first week was spent at Inverhuron Provincial Park with the Kaldeways. We had a few days of complete relaxation, and all of us loved the beach. I recommend the park for people with smaller children. It is a small park with a beautiful beach. The sites are very gravelly though, so it was a bit hard on Jo as he was just starting to take tentative steps before we left.

Now he is triumphantly marching about the apartment like he owns the place. Within a few hours back at home, he had started to practice walking in earnest. Now he crows with pride at each successful trip. LK and I just grin at each other like fools as we watch him gain confidence with each step. Kids are really awesome!

The second part of our trip was to Little Clam to visit the Dixes. We had a great time and really enjoyed being part of the cheering section for the canoe races in the regatta. Next year we hope to participate. Of course no visit to LC is complete without some excitement, and we had a bear visit on our last night. He was looking for a snack and tore a hole in the Muskoka room to get at Dad's red wiggler composting farm, which he dragged to tear open right beside Sarah and Nolan's tent. We adults in the tents were all lying awake listening and praying that he would be content with the compost and worms. He was.

Now we have a few short days before starting off on our grand adventure. We are packing madly and trying to organize those last details (and the ensuing kinks). Currently I am trying to figure out how to get a phone hooked up through Bell without having an exact street address. So we may not have a phone number for a few days after the move. However, we can be contacted via email still (I hope) and you can leave comments here for us. As soon as we get the details sorted out we will share with all our loved ones.

Affirmation

I do a lot of second guessing when I make a decision. Little decisions and big decisions, it doesn't really matter. I definitely lack confidence in knowing that I have done the right thing- from what is appropriate to wear to an event to what job to accept and, consequently, where to live. I have spent a LOT of time analyzing and discussing ad nauseum over the past month the latter. (Interestingly, the former has become a lot less important- and if you know me well, that's quite a change.)

My friends and family have been extremely patient with my navel gazing this month, for that I am very grateful. I hope that this season has come to an end, because last night I got a phone call from a beloved sister in Christ who gave me great encouragement that what are about to do is the right thing to do. A few posts ago I was looking for a burning bush or an open sea ready to walk across. I got it. So now I am full of confidence that Grassy Narrows is part of God's plan for our lives.

Unfortunately confidence doesn't erase fear. I am still afraid of the changes- mostly the changes that will happen within me in the next twelve months. I know that LK and I will come out of this very different than we are going in. I know that I shouldn't be afraid of change- in fact I usually instigate change and embrace it wholeheartedly, but I am learning as I grow up that change in your own heart often is hard. It usually involves letting go of some aspect of myself that I liked or enjoyed- but was not in God's image. So I now anticipate more transformation.

My mother says...

My mother has always been a source of encouragement for me. She usually has something to help me stay on track, or is able to gently redirect me if I am way off track. I have been calling her daily over the past week. Sometimes I just need to hear that moving is never easy, and when you have 25 days to get everything you own packed or purged, go on holidays with family, and drive 2, 000 km it is downright hard.

Two days ago she said to me, "Right now every problem that comes along makes you go, 'Oh no, what now?', but eventually you get to the place where a new problem makes you say, 'Okay, how will we deal with this one?'" That was when it really hit me that just because something is God's purpose for your life doesn't guarantee that it will be easy. In fact, if I am following God's purpose it makes sense that it will be hard. How can we be refined into gold without struggle?

I can't believe I am saying this. All my life I have hidden from the refiner's fire because I knew it would get hot. Now I feel like I am running straight into it! But I am amazed at how God has changed both Laurens' and my hearts in such a short time.

We were enjoying a walk to the grocery store this afternoon (there won't be any of those soon) and LK said to me, "It seems like this has all happened so fast, but really we have been thinking about this for over three weeks already." It doesn't seem like it has been fast because we usually deliberate over things FOREVER.

In hindsight, I can see the seeds for this move planted in the past two years of our lives. We have both struggled increasingly with where we are in our lives, both professionally and as a family. We both like the predictable path we currently walk in this small corner of TO. We also long for something more, but what we didn't know. God's world is so much bigger than the GTA. He gave us an itch for change that just wouldn't go away, and now he is leading us on his path which is going to lead us right through that refiner's fire.

The Red Sea

The last time we moved we didn't have children. What a difference that makes. I am overwhelmed with the details and so little time to get it all together. Our new accommodations are furnished, so we only need to bring clothes, linens, and kitchenware. What in the world do we do with all the rest of our stuff?
On one hand it would be very freeing to leave most of the paraphernalia of life behind and start fresh. On the other hand, our stuff may be the only familiar thing there. Today I just want the sea to open and walk across on dry land. Where is Moses when you need him?

Westward, ho!

We did it! We signed on the dotted line and committed to a year in Grassy Narrows. Now we are excited, terrified, and making lists madly.

Grassy Narrows is on an Ojibway reserve 80km north-east of Kenora, ON. I will be teaching grade 4. Fiona will be attending SK at the school. Laurens will be managing the home front and keeping tabs on Josiah during the day. He also hopes to get back into cooking. Lots of practice with his camera is a given, and you'll see updates on his Flickr site regularly. I will try to post some pics here as well.

So this blog is probably going to morph into a journal of our grand adventure. Of course, God will feature prominently, as He is the author of our adventure. I will narrate and hopefully be able to share the ups and downs with those who love us.

We covet your prayers as we prepare for this trip. 2,000km in a moving van and tin can (our car) is not exactly an ideal way to travel, but it will get us there together. We plan to move out of Toronto August 11 and arrive in Grassy Narrows on August 15.

I'm Done!

Hooray! I just finished and emailed in my final assignments for my final course in finally finishing my B. ED. I need to celebrate, chocolate will definitely be involved, but tomorrow because it is 11:00 and I don't need the caffeine at this hour. I think, chocolate chip cookies...

Now to prep for my job interview.

11:59

I have a former colleague who likes to say that God's favourite time is 11:59. What he means is that God often waits until the last moment to give us direction or a push to follow him. Well, I have been praying and waiting for His push since April. The clock has been ticking away, with midnight (September) looming closer. LK and I are pretty big on having a plan and covering bases, although I have a bit of wild and crazy risk-taking in me that occasionally asserts itself (I consider it an openness to the Spirit- my husband has another name for it).

If you know me, you know we have had a roller coaster month with each few days bringing more bits of information to add to our pot and no end to the cooking time (except that ticking clock). Almost two weeks ago I had a job offer for a job in northern Ontario that was a big change. But the Lord told Abraham to go, and Abraham didn't even know where he was going. So we tried to be open. We have weighed the job offer, researched the cost, gains, and impact on us and found ourselves wanting to begin a new adventure.

We were all set to sign a contract for a teaching position that meant a huge move to a part of the province that neither of us ever thought would be a part of our reality- north of Superior. I had the letter of intent signed and ready to scan and email back to the school board. Until I got home from my course today. There was a message from a school in Mississauga for an interview. What could I do? I called and they wanted to set up an interview for Monday.

So now we sit and wait through another weekend, trying with all our might to trust in God. Honestly, I am disappointed. I was set, so was LK. We are both trying to hold on. Mississauga makes sense financially and for community, but it doesn't have the same wide-eyed possibility...

More Monday after my interview.

The Danger of Prayer

So I have taken this leap (without the requisite looking first) and spent a lot of time praying in the past three months. I have been quite specific in my prayers regarding a new job; if there is somewhere God wants us to be, then keep it simple (as we sometimes over complicate and don't get the message) and give me one interview, one job offer and one option. It seems that God has taken that request seriously.

I have had one interview, on the phone no less, one offer (currently being prayed over and discussed in obsessive detail) and two options. The option for change is to move to a small native community north of Kenora, ON on a very short timeline. I have been offered a grade 4 position. The option for staying the same is to wait for the hiring season that occurs in August and make a gazillion more applications, hoping to get an LTO or onto a supply list. Not an easy decision. LK and I have been agonizing over the possibilities and details. FK is agog at our discussions and wants to go on an adventure.

On one hand it opens up amazing opportunities for us to learn and grow. A whole world of Canadian politics, history, geography, people... On the other hand it takes us a 24-hour drive away from family that we already feel far from (geographically speaking). I wanted to move closer to family, not further away!

So I sit and think over the power of praying. When you pray, God listens, although sometimes his responses are not what you hoped for. I have learned that his answers are always better in the long run than anything you would have chosen for yourself. So now we try to determine his will (not an easy task) and make our decision.

Neighbours and Navels

Home again in The City. I took the little people to the water park today and met a friend for a playdate. They had so much fun running through the water and playing in the sand. It was great to watch. I was again reminded of the blessing of friends.

There is much that I love about this city... more variety in language, skin colour, food, music, clothing, than I have ever experienced before. I love to feel like a little part of the big picture. I love that everyone is different and that makes me feel free to be different in my own way.

There are also the shortcomings of a large urban center... traffic, pollution, lack of connection with parts of this world that are God-made (not concrete and glass).

However, it is home. The people who matter the most to me are here. Anywhere they are is home. I know with absolute certainty that at the end of the day I am safe and loved with them. What more could I ask?

Perhaps it is good to have times in one's life where there isn't a plan or a known destination. Perhaps we must learn to be less focused on control of the situation ourselves and more focused on being an active part of the situation to make a difference for the better.

As LK and I contemplate change, I am being opened to the bigger picture, much bigger than I. My petty worries and concerns are so small compared with the challenges and injustices faced by neighbours. Check out this article at http://www.alternet.org:80/environment/89138/?page=entire&ses=aa31255d92919ae56dc5a1581826c9b8. Perhaps I should focus less on my navel and more on my neighbour.

Just keep Swimming...

You know the character Dory in the movie "Finding Nemo"? I think of her often with her confused, but ever-cheerful litany to just keep swimming despite lack of direction or confusion. I feel like Dory today.

My job interview for Monday was cancelled at the last hour and so we managed to get to Sarnia to visit family for Canada Day after all. FK was so delighted that we could actually make the trip (to honest we all were). We had a great day until after dinner. FK had been compaining of a sore tummy and had some indigestion all day, but once we got all set up in our spot to wait for fireworks she got hit with a bout of diarhea and so I packed up our two little ones and came back to Oma & Opa's early. FK was feeling so badly that she didn'y even mind missing the fireworks. She was up four times last night. Now both little ones are sleeping and hopefully recovering from two very tiring days and tummy bugs.

I am trying not to be anxious about work stuff and trust that the Lord has it all in hand, but I am not doing very well right now with it all. I want to know where I am swimming to! But I don't so I just keep swimming...

Rollercoasters

Some days feel like an endless roller coaster ride. Today I had that fear/excitement stomach knot all day. FK fell Friday night while playing with friends but didn't say anything about it until Saturday morning. In the night she was complaining about her arm hurting - I thought growing pains (which she has had before in her legs). Saturday she wouldn't straighten it all day, complaining that it hurt too much. By dinner I was convinced it could well be broken and so after supper we went off to Emergency. A massive parking bill, three x-rays and three hours later she was declared fine. FK was very excited about her adventure and please no needles were involved and dragged her exhausted mother home.

To add to the stress I got a phone call right after lunch about a job interview. I was so stunned that a principal would call on a Saturday that I was barely coherent. I managed to ask for time to try to change my schedule around to accommodate the interview (which really meant letting my whole family down by post phoning our long weekend holiday plans) and getting her voicemail extension to leave a message to confirm the appointment for Monday. So I stewed (as I do) all day about how to handle this. Does she know I'm not on the "approved" list? Will she cancel the interview if I tell her at the beginning? Could this be it? What was the specific job I applied for at this school- classroom, rotation, part-time, or full-time? Why did I recycle that list I made? On and on it went all day.

So, after consulting various family and friends for the inevitable rounds of advice-seeking (another thing I do), I left a message that I hope was positive and honest. We'll see if I get a call Monday morning cancelling the interview.

These are the days when I think about Gumby and learning to be more flexible. I don't think there will ever be a time when I have learned to be flexible enough to deal with the roller coaster ride. Flexibility should definitely be a fruit of the Spirit.

In My Children

Watching my children play makes it easy to find Waldo. He lurks in their smiles and joy at being able to climb a ladder all by themselves. He explodes out of laughter as they revel in summer evenings.

We spent the evening with friends. What a treasure friends are! The connection I have with my girlfriends is such a blessing. And rare. I can count the number of women I have been able to be completely myself with in my adult life on one hand. Right now they are all an active part of my life. I feel so rich in their company.

Perhaps as I age and learn to be more a peace with who I am and less concerned with what the rest of the world thinks those friendships will become less rare.

Today I am holding on to the feeling of a kindred spirit (as LM Montgomery would say) and being thankful for my girls.

Where's Waldo?

So I have taken a leap of faith that at times feels remarkably foolish. I felt that I was unable to continue to work and serve in the place where I have been gainfully employed for the past six years. So, two months ago as I returned from my maternity leave I quit. Now as a teacher, quitting means finishing out a contract. So, today was my last day of work.

What is foolish about that? I don't have another job to go to. Currently, the job prospects in teaching here in Ontario are not plentiful. So, a seemingly foolish decision.
However, that is where Waldo comes in. I have been reading God is Closer Than You Think by John Ortberg this spring and finally finished two nights ago. Ortberg compares finding God in our daily lives to finding Waldo in the children's books Where's Waldo. God is there in every day, hidden in a moment or person.

So now I am living on faith day-to-day that there was a purpose in me quitting my job. There is a plan, I just haven't been briefed yet. It's need-to-know only at this point. I do know that I have to apply to every job that I am qualified for, be ready for interviews and look for Waldo with signs to point the way every day.