Changing Eras

Our life has shifted quite significantly in the last four months.  My brain and heart are still catching up with the changes. 

Four months ago we were counting down to the possession date on our first home.  We only had fairy tale ideas and dreams of what house ownership was like.  We were counting down to the end of a school year, and the end of an era in our family life - living on a FN Reserve as teacher-guests.  There was a great deal of excited anticipation tinged with more than a pinch of grief.

We are all still working through the bittersweet feelings of stepping out of an era.  Some days I feel deeply guilty.  Guilty that I have abandoned students who need the best teachers that can be had. (Doesn't that imply an arrogance on my part?) Guilty that I didn't do enough to engage and support the community while I lived there.  Guilty that I have bought into the middle-class box of a lifestyle (even though I don't fit into that box very well).  On those days I spend a lot of time trying to remember that there is a plan, and that plan has a purpose for me to serve in this new era. 

Other times I feel that my soul is awakening and coming alive again.  Mostly when participating in worship and fellowship.  And when I get to sing!  It feels like spring sunshine after months of SAD.  And then the guilt melts away and my heart rejoices.  That is when I can pray with confidence rather than in fear.

I believe with my whole heart that each of us is created with love for a specific purpose.  Mine is to teach.  For the past six years it was in GN.  Now I don't know what I will be teaching and exactly where.  For the past two years, in anticipation of this change coming eventually, I have wrestled with leaving the teaching profession.  I keep coming back to loving my job so much that even thinking about doing something else made me mopey.

However, going back to that plan and purpose, teaching in an elementary school context may not be the plan for this next era.  So instead of "Please Lord, please Lord, please Lord..." I am praying, "Prepare me to follow your will not mine."

Its a scary step.  I know that when I pray He hears and answers.  That's why its a scary step. 

Emily Two-Two and the Busy Spring

To say that running two houses, commuting between two communities, keeping up with two children, and the Man and the Dog has kept me busy for the past two months is an understatement.  As a result I have collapsed at the end of each day, thinking about blogging, but not getting past the thought.

I have learned two for sure things in the past two months.  First, I am not someone who should own a cottage.  Two buildings and properties to maintain and pay bills for is one too many in my book.  If waterfront of worth having, then it is worth having full time.

Second, I am terrible at the end of a marathon journey. 

The past year has been a marathon in many ways and I barely crawled across the finish line for this one.  I am deeply thankful for the slower pace we have begun in the summer season and anticipate much more time to reflect on daily life and share my thoughts.