Progress

Our first holiday season up north was difficult. It was our first time without any family or church community around us. It was restful and quiet, but also lonely.

Our second holiday season was better. We had adjusted to the quiet, even looked forward to it. And we were busy with a visit from LK's mom. It was good to have family around, but we wished they could all visit. It started us in realizing that we want to have people we love visit us. Someday we hope to be in a place where we are close enough to host holiday dinners.

This holiday season has been absolutely blissful- not perfect- but really, really good.

We have been very relaxed, which we all needed a lot after a super-intense fall at school. Those of us who are physically able to, slept in. We all stayed in our jammies until we felt like getting dressed. We read if we felt like it, played if we felt like it, watched tv if we felt like it, went outside if we felt like it. We treated outselves to little things that we usually denoy ourselves in daily life. We didn't do what we ought to do, but what we wanted to do (most of the time). It feels so decadent! And it has made us very refreshed.

I have not worn my watch since the last day of school. Time has become unimportant in determining what gets done. I highly recommend it for when you need to completely recharge.

I am not sure what is at the root of this wonderful holiday. It could be the fact that we were too exhausted to be uptight. Perhaps it was just necessary. I hope that at least part of it is due to some growth - I hope that LK and I are learning to be able to let go of attempting to control our world and be everything that everyone needs from us sometimes.

I hope that I can learn to do it more often, because I feel better emotionally than I have felt in years. I feel ten years younger, well maybe five.

However, physically is another matter. I also spent too much time sitting on the couch or floor, too much time eating unhealthy treats, and not enough time outside moving myself. So, it is time to get out cold weather running gear and learn to run in winter conditions. Because I really want to enjoy both the emotional health and physical health at the same time.

Now I just need to figure out how to maintain this amazing sense of well-being through the daily bustle of work...

Not Enough Emilys

I just fell in love with my husband all over again.

Yesterday I drove to the city to do our post-Christmas errands. We try very hard not to have a great big list of returns and exchanges to do after Christmas, because who wants to spend their holidays in line-ups? Not me. (In the dressing room trying on great deals is a whole other matter). Despite our best efforts, this year there were a few items that had to be dealt with before January 14. So another trip to the city had to be made.

We decided that the most efficient plan was a one-day trip with only me. That meant careful planning of stops to make sure that everything on the list could be done and still leave enough time and stamina for the drive home (3.5 hours each way in the winter).

In the list of things to do was replacing a few components of our sound system that have recently gone on the fritz. Excellent timing as all electronics are on sale this week. LK was thoughtful enough to print out the pages for each item that he needed from Future Shop's website and give me the papers to make sure that everything was very straightforward.

I went to the store and handed the papers to the salesman and badda-boom there was my pile of odds and bobs of tech stuff. Except that didn't have one item in stock. So off I went, with directions scribbled on the back of my last paper to wander across the city to the one Future Shop that did have the item in stock.

Now I know that not many people love to wander across a city in search of a store. But I am not your average bear people. I love it! Especially if my wandering takes me to a new thrift store or Winners. And it did.

The salesmen at both Future Shops were wonderful; cheerful, helpful, and went beyond their duties in carrying boxes and giving directions. I was thoroughly impressed.

So, that part of the mission was successfully completed. Other items on the lists were successfully exchanged and picked up. I had time to dive into one thrift store for over an hour and a Winners for another hour.

Armed with a list that had everything checked off, I headed home. It is a really long drive. It feels longer after a long day of errands. And even longer with the last stretch driven in the pitch dark with snow on the road. But I made it home.

My darling husband stayed up to get the new tech stuff set-up and I came down this morning to everything put together and tidied up. He also scrubbed the bathroom while I was gone.

But the icing on the cake for falling head over heels again was a book left on the table this morning (he left early to do the grocery run into town). It was a copy of the book of poems that I was reading last week by Jean Little. He had marked a poem called "Not Enough Emilys". It made me stop and smile and know that he loves me.

The poem starts like this;

"There are not enough Emilys in the world.
What I mean is... Emily is the kind of person
everybody needs to needs to have sometimes."

And guess what, this sweet, bathroom-scrubbing, poem-marking, patient man (who sat and smiled as I shared each clothing find with him - even though he really just wanted to play with his tech stuff) is mine.

How blessed am I?

Merry Christmas!

I have been such a slacker this week; sleeping in to past 8 o'clock, staying in my jammies until almost lunch, reading stacks of novels (most of the Sookie Stackhouse series last week), and eating nibbly treats whenever I feel like it. Hmmm, absolute decadence!

It has been a heavenly week, and I have been remiss in not sharing anecdotes. But I was on holidays. Holidays means doing what I want, when I want (except of course for snuggles with the Sprouts - which we never take holidays from).

So, a belated Merry Christmas to all our loved ones. I hope that you had as wonderful a Christmas as we did. Because it was Wonderful!

I have fallen asleep two nights in a row thinking about how happy I am and how incredibly blessed I feel. It is a really good way to fall asleep; I highly recommend it.

Blessings that I count for 2010 include;

• a husband that still makes my knees weak, even after almost 15 years of marriage!
• two healthy, happy, silly children who makes me smile, even when they are driving me crazy!
• family that, even though far away, I can feel close to thanks to the blessing of technology
• a home that is a safe, warm place to be especially when the weather is chilly
• a job that I love and enjoy waking up to go to every morning (and that has great holidays with my aforesaid family)
• friends near and far, old and new that bubble over with caring and love, inspiring me to do the same
• sanctification (the word of the day in the sermon yesterday) slowly, and sometimes painfully, being done in my heart and soul

What more could I ask for in life? What more is there?

As the movie title says, "Life is beautiful".

I hope that you all have hearts filled with joy at the richness of your blessings. I hope that 2011 brings an overflowing of that joy into the world around you. What a blessing that would be!

Addition Errors

We've been living here for two and a half years now. There is a lot that we still don't understand about the history of the place, the culture of the people, and the relationships of a small community. But, it is feeling more like home all the time.

Last night LK discovered a blog written by an American who came up to visit as part of a team from Christian Peacemakers. The fellow wrote several posts over the course of his visit here and it gave me a different perspective to ponder.

I must admit that I do not understand the American point of view at all. They are very willing to point out the cultural genocide that is part of our history, but fail to observe that they participated in exactly the same practices through the same time in history. I admit that the relationship that the Canadian government (and it's population - as the government are our elected officials, who we ought to be keeping accountable to behaviours that we condone) and our First Nations have is littered with broken promises and abuse. I am ashamed that this is part of the history of my country. I hope that as individuals we can develop a future that mends the wounds, because I don't see that the government will ever really work to heal those wounds.

However, it is hard to read someone from another nation write about our history without really understanding it. It bothers me that Americans so often rush to fix the problems in other places and ignore the ones in their own living rooms.

And as I type those words it occurs to me that we Canadians do exactly the same thing. How many millions of dollars have poured into Haiti, Africa, and Indonesia in response to difficulties there over the past ten years? Yet, we have communities here in our own backyard that have the same issues; no clean drinking water, no schools, no medical care.

We have our own third world that most of us are completely unaware even exists. How can we be rated consistently as one of the best countries to live in when we have members of our nation who can't count on these basics that most middle-class Canadians assume are a right of living in our nation?

It just doesn't add up for me.

Poem of the Week

One of my favourite things about having a teacher for a spouse is that we bounce ideas off each other and try things together and dialogue about what worked and what didn't. I find that I am maturing and growing as a teacher much more since he became my colleague. He is not afraid to tell me when I am spouting rather than talking. And he tells me to get off the pot when I am ranting (which I tend to do).

One thing that we have been discussing is Poetry.

I have always feared Poetry; it's rules intimidate me. I am afraid that I will teach it wrong.

But poetry has just caught my imagination.

I was searching for poems to use for Poem of the Week (which we will start in January). The idea is to seduce students into a love of poetry with fun, or silly, or poignant poems that we can play with each week. Incidentally, I also hope they will learn a bit about the musicality of words, reading fluency, and drama.

In my searching I discovered a new poet that I had never read before. (This isn't hard, as I don't make it a habit to read poetry.) She speaks with my soul-voice. Her poems are honest and real. I really like them.

Her name is Jean Little.

Bonus, she's Canadian.

Today

a poem by Jean Little

Today I will not live up to my potential.
Today I will not relate well to my peer group.
Today I will not contribute in class.
I will not volunteer one thing.
Today I will not strive to do better.
Today I will not achieve or adjust or grow enriched or get involved.
I will not put up my hand even if the teacher is wrong and I can prove it.

Today I might eat the eraser off my pencil.
I'll look at clouds.
I'll be late.
I don't think I'll wash.

I need a rest.

This poem expresses how I feel sometimes, even though I am the teacher and not the student. I know that my students feel this way sometimes. In fact, at this time of year, they feel this way a lot.

We all need a rest.

All the Trimmings

We were sitting around the table, halfway through our dinner, when there was a knock at the door. Since LK and I were wedged in the back side of the table, Fi, who was closest to the door, got up to answer.

I was expecting a neighbour who needed to borrow some eggs. Or the most gracious neighbour who often comes bearing a fresh dozen from his wife's chickens (the yummiest ever).

The person at the door asked Fi, "Is your mom or dad here?"

She came away from the door, "I don't know who it is," with big, round eyes.

So I went to the door and saw that is was the gracious neighbour, but he wasn't bearing eggs this time. He was bearing a turkey, a ham, and all the trimmings for a family Christmas dinner. My jaw dropped.

Apparently he was doing Christmas hampers for families in the community. Since we have a family here, he thought we should be included. And he reminded us that there are always eggs to share whenever we want some.

I feel as if I was just given a great big hug. It is a pretty awesome feeling.

It makes me want to be a better teacher.

Amazing what a little kindness can do.

Frosty Santa

On the way into town for church this morning we listened to a mixed CD of Christmas music. LK likes to put together mixed CDs for all seasons/situations for our listening edification. It is nice, because we spend a lot of time in the car, especially once the roads are covered with snow and ice and we have to take it much slower in order to stay out of the ditch.

Anyway, to get back on topic... we were listening to a mix of Christmas songs.

Jo somehow got it into his head that the song "Must Be Santa" was actually "Frosty Santa". So he sang along, at the top of his lungs (he is very proud of singing as a new talent and hasn't quite learned to sing in his quiet voice - actually he hasn't learned to do anything in a quiet voice), "Fro-sty Santa, Fro-sty Santa, Fro-sty Santa, Santa Claus".

Stockings All Hung

We are winging down the before-Christmas madness at school. Every school has the same madness before the holiday - kids getting more excited every day, rehearsals for concerts in every classroom, sleds on the playground, snow and snowballs everywhere. Together they all combine for a slightly manic climate in the building in the few weeks before the hoilday. It makes teachers look forward to the holiday a lot. Then we get some well deserved peace and quiet (if we don't have kids of our own).

Well, the madness can often extend to home as well. But this year we have been remarkably calm. We have also been remarkably behind. As a result there may be a few Christmas gifts that just make it to their destinations for Christmas. Hopefully none will be late!

Today is the day of finishing up the last bits and pieces before sending things off in the mail. We have been creating and writing messages and wrapping all morning. Now I am letting the cramps in my hand go away - I seem to have lost a lot of my handwriting stamina since the laptop arrived - and listening to the kids "cleaning up" after having a friend visit for the afternoon.

Unfortunately that means that I have some cleaning altercations to mediate. Plus, I am still working on teaching Fi what my definition of a clean room looks like.

Later.

Vision

Way back when a wise man said, "Without hope or vision, the people perish." It was about 4 000 years ago, or so. Somebody wrote it down, and so his words still live today. (His name may or may not have been Jeremiah).

I agree with him. I know that I thrive on the hope and vision of a future that is better. A hope that my children will find their niche and be able to work in a job that is also their passion. A vision of all children being able to counting on being fed every day and knowing for sure that they will have the chance for a great opportunity to learn in a safe place. A hope that I can be a part of making education in Canada better for students, teachers, and families.

When I get into a rut, sometimes too deep to see the vision anymore, I start to navel-gaze and focus on the small stuff. And I sweat it, majorly. (I recognize that it is an area for personal growth). I need someone who loves me to give me a shake and tell me that I need to get over myself.

Today and yesterday were a wonderful encouragement to get my gaze off my navel and look up. Because the whole picture of the possibilities for the future just changed. And I get to be a part of it!

To say that I am excited about the potential is a massive understatement. I am over-the-moon thrilled that something I hoped for is actually a real possibility. I feel like I just won the lottery.

Now I pray that my gaze will stay up towards the future because I see First Nations students closing the learning gap in northern Ontario! And that is a big, hairy, audacious goal.

Character Study

Our trapping guide is an experienced trapper with self-effacing body language and a quiet, thoughtful voice. While we were learning from him there were three instances that really struck me as telling of his character.

As we were standing on the ice and he prepared branches and traps he asked, "You know PETA?"

"Ye-es," I answered uncertainly, not sure where this might be going.

"They are actually really good. They made sure that all trapping has to be humane trapping now. Fur buyers can tell if an animal suffered when it was trapped - they struggle and their blood all goes to the surface and into the skin - and they won't buy furs from anyone who traps that way. That's good."

That was as far as he took the conversation. He made his point. He is not a man of many words.

Later, in response to three dogs that followed us out onto the ice the second day. They clearly knew that we were there to get something good and looked quite eager about the idea of leftovers. The students commented that they were afraid of the middle "ugly" one, as he barked a lot.

Our guide's response; "Yeah, that one isn't really ours. We keep trying to chase it away. But we have to feed it, because if we don't, no one else will."

And then on our last day together. He was explaining that sometimes beavers run out of food during the winter due to various reasons from changing water levels to harsher weather than usual. In that case, a beaver will find a crack in the ice, squeeze himself through it and go look for a fresh tree to chew down and strip for food. At this time the beaver is very vulnerable to predators, as his summer escape route of water is blocked by a wall of ice. He shared that his father was a trapper and always told him to leave those beaver alone, as they are already having a hard enough time of it. They don't need human predators after them, too.

His additional comment; "Usually then, I take my saw and find one of their favourite trees (aspen) and cut it down and leave it near the lodge. The next day when I come back the branches are all gone."

Each comment was made with a half-smile, as if reflecting on the craziness of this world.

And I am blessed to be a part of his community.

Beaver Tales

Yesterday my class and I were able to finish our beaver trapping experience with our patient guide. We met him over the the Trapper's Center and he had the beaver ready to go, and several previously trapped hides stretched out on drying boards.

Unfortunately we were not able to try cooking the beaver because we couldn't find the bus driver to take us to the Center in the morning. So, we had to finish our lesson in the afternoon.

However, we learned lots more about beavers and got a bonus biology lesson as our guide was quite willing to complete the whole skinning process with cleaning the beaver for eating also. This meant we got to see all the internal organs and identify them. Many of my students were even brave enough to pick them up and smell them! It was awesome to see them so curious and interested.

We hope that an elder will enjoy the beaver meat as much as we have enjoyed our experience learning about trapping beaver. If you ever get the chance, take it. It is an incredible way to understand a huge part of our Canadian history and heritage.

I have been sitting here at the computer for an hour and a half trying to distill my learning from the past four months of professional development into two pages.

Until today I was shamelessly procrastinating this assigment. I was busy with the stuff of everyday life; Christmas shopping, child-raising, neighbourliness - you know the good stuff of life. I was also busy teaching. Or trying to.

Now the deadline looms large and I have no idea how to edit my wordy self into two pages. Maybe I need a web to visualize what I learned and make connections between the different parts; classroom, course, family. Maybe I need to narrow my topic so that it is manageable.

Maybe I need to stop procrastinating.

Part II

and for the second...

I got a call from the daycare this morning right after recess. My class was lining up to head off to Native Language and I was about to start my prep, so the timing was great. However, when I went to the office, expecting Sensational Secretary to tell me that JK fell and got bumped on the head, she told me to go right over, there was an emergency.

With visions of blood and vomit running through my head, I jogged across the parking lot (as fast as my ridiculously impractical heeled boots would allow). JK was sitting on the couch in the foyer of the daycare with a teacher and another daycare worker. He was clearly stunned.

The teacher explained that he had been sitting in his chair, vacantly lolled. He didn't touch his lunch. That was huge. This boy lives for food! And he was clearly (to my mother's eyes) not himself. So, I tried to keep the massive panic that bloomed in my heart invisible, and asked exactly what they saw.

He was unresponsive to his name or touch on his cheek for several minutes. Then when the teacher picked him up he was stiff, but put his arms around her.

I racked my brain for times when I have seen or heard this behaviour and remembered a second grade students from my third year of teaching who had seizures where he just seemed to leave mentally for a bit every once in a while. He was a great kid with lots of energy and enthusiasm. I had forgotten all about his seizures, as they were quiet and rare at school. But it all came flooding back this morning.

So, with images of epilepsy and Asperger's Syndrome and frantic mental file-hunting going on in my head I asked if I should take him to the Clinic. For those who are not familiar with our situation, the nearest hospital is 80km away on a roller coaster road that is not a fun coaster in the winter. We are served by a Clinic with two nurse-practitioners on staff Monday to Friday. But they leave early on Friday to get into the office in town and finish their weekly paperwork. So, to see the nurse, we would have to hustle.

My love for our daycare provider grew again today as they quickly called the Clinic to let them know that we were on our way and helped me get JK bundled up and out the door.

I stumbled into the school office. I think that my actual words were, "I don't care what they do (my class), but I have to take JK to the Clinic. I will be back as soon as I can."

My love for my admin team grew as they just sent my off. "Don't worry. They will be fine (the class). Go." Then someone from the school made sure LK was up-dated and drove him over to the Clinic so he could be with us.

Our Fabulous Nurse-Practitioner carefully looked JK over from head to toe and assured us that he was okay. But, since it may well have been a seizure we should take him into town to get him checked thoroughly.

So, back to school. Tell the sub what to do (not sure if it made any sense to her at all - but I really didn't care what she did). Get Fi and pack her up. The whole time she kept asking, "What is a seizure?"

Home, quick grab cooler and grocery list - because they have to be done today or we have nothing to eat by Sunday - and eat lunches in the car as we drive. JK conked out for the drive. I think this scared LK and I, as we weren't sure whether that was good or bad. Fab N-P had assured us that the chances of two seizures in one day are very low. We drove him because she had already sent two patients out on the ambulance this morning, so there was no ambulance. That was okay, as we could get him there faster than waiting for the ambulance (three hours!).

After three hours in the hospital, JK is fine. We don't know for sure what it was. By the time he saw the doctor, he was back to himself mostly. That is good.

Now we watch him to see if there are any repeats. We are praying that this was a one-off. According to my research (you knew I would google it as soon as I got home), that can happen. And would you believe that many children experience seizures before age 14? Interesting.

Anyway the point is, after a long day, we learned that we have a great community here. We have some really kind nurses here and in town. Our kids are precious beyond anything. And my job, although really important to me, comes in a distant second to my family.

Thanks be to God for health and strength, community and medical care.

A Two Poster

Today is a two-post day... here is the first.

This morning my students were able to follow up our trapping lesson of yesterday with a trap checking lesson. Right after morning announcements and our spelling test we pulled on all our winter gear - very necessary today, as the temps dipped to -20 last night - and headed out onto the lake.

Our trapping guide joined us and we gathered around the first of the traps we set yesterday. He pointed out bubbles that we could see under the ice. This meant that the beaver had been around and may have sprung the trap with a stick. We were quite excited. But our guide was very calm and made sure that we knew that beavers are very smart and are quite able to spring traps without being caught. It was very likely that we only had a stick in the trap.

With our hopes low, we watched as he carefully chiseled away the ice that froze over the hole during the night (almost three inches thick in one night, brrr!) and scooped the loose ice out of the water. Then he pulled the trap out of the water and we saw...

A great big beaver! It was huge. All the students' jaws dropped. My jaw dropped. We were so tickled that we were almost dancing on the ice. Our patient trapping guide smiled at our antics. Then he showed us how to open the trap and remove the beaver, drag it across the snow on the ice to dry the water off the fur, and pull it back to the house.

That was when I realized that I really should have brought my camera, because this was a fabulous Canadian class book right here! Aaargh, I missed it. But we didn't miss the learning experience. And we still have some great connections between our experiences and the habitats unit we just finished in science and the research we are learning to do on the Internet. Educational karma, yummy!

And, as a double bonus, our wonderful guide is waiting until Monday to skin the beaver so we can go watch. We are also going to try to cook some of the meat and taste it. What an adventurous group of students I have!

My homework for the weekend is to find a recipe for beaver. Hmmm, I think that I have a Northern cookbook somewhere from my parents. I bet there is a recipe in there...

Teachable Moment

Yesterday one of the local trappers walked into my classroom before school and asked how old my students are. It seemed that he was looking for a class to invite to watch him set traps for a beaver that has set up house down at the lake in front of the school.

"Ooh, can we, can we?" was my typical response.

He graciously extended the invitation to my class and we planned to head out after morning recess today.

We walked down to the lake and, somewhat reluctantly, out on the ice. The reluctantly was because the ice is only about a week old and not very thick. But we figured that since the skidoos are on it, that we probably won't fall through. Although as a precaution we were warned not to walk all in a group, but to spread out.

So, we stood in a great big, spread-out circle around the pile of sticks sticking out of the ice that showed where the food pile was and watched as our trapper guide walked us through the process of finding the entrances, clearing out sticks and brush, setting the traps, and placing them ever-so-carefully into the water.

All the while he patiently answered a list of questions the length of both my arms.

It was wonderful to be able to sit back and learn myself, rather than be in charge of the learning for a short hour. My students were able to appreciate a member of the community for his knowledge. I was amazed at his patience and sharing of information. It was also delightful to see his gentle sense of humour!

So, as lunchtime approached and the students started to shiver, the last trap of the morning was set. We trudged back to school after asking to be able to come back tomorrow morning to help check the traps.

Now this afternoon I have tossed my lesson plans and we are going to research more about beavers so that we are better prepared to understand what we see and do tomorrow. Plus, it will be a sneaky way of getting some reading and writing practice in.

Another reason why I love my job; teachable moments for me and for my students!

Dressember

An interesting Facebook group is called Dressember. A whole group of ladies (and adventurous men?) are wearing dresses and skirts for the month of December to break out of the jeans and t-shirts rut. Hmmm. I am intrigued.

Sidebar: this is what I love about the Internet; there are people from all around the world that you can connect with and learn from. So cool!

I am in trouble if I want to participate in Dressember. I only have two dresses in my closet. Sad state of affairs that is! How can I only have two dresses? Oh yes, I live in northwestern Ontario where we have winter six months of the year. And I live in the bush. Dresses are just not really practical.

But I wear them anyway. Because practical is not my middle name. And nothing goes with a great pair of heels (boots or pumps) like a fab skirt. And I really love my heels - even in the bush.

So now the question is... to be or not to be Dressember. I happen to have worn a dress today, and yesterday, come to think of it. But that taps out my dresses. And I only have one skirt that fits decently right now. Yikes!

Better get off my backside and move it so that I can reach my goal and shop. Because I gave away all the skirts that are too big. And there is no going back.

So, Dressember will have to wait. But perhaps I shall do my own Excer-ember in pursuit of my fitness goals.

In the Kitchen

Conversation from my kitchen while making the requisite after-school hot chocolate.

Me: Jo, give your sister a little peace.

Jo: A piece of quiet?

Me: Yes.

Jo: big grin on his face, and then a silly face at his sister