New Recipe

I found an essential recipe that morning. Homemade carpet cleaner.

Last night we were woken to the classic sound of vomiting at midnight. It is a sound that every mother and teacher is all too familiar with.

Fortunately, Fiona recognized the impending trouble and dashed for the bathroom. Unfortunately she didn't quite make it all the way there. So, I was scrubbing vomit off the carpet in the middle of the night.

This morning, when the scrubbing and layer of Borax that I left on it all night didn't clear away the smell (what a stink!), I went hunting on google. I discovered a great recipe that I already had almost everything for and went to work.

As I was scrubbing the carpet, Jo asked, "Can I help, Mama?" So he was my designated towel stomper, to absorb as much of the wet cleaner and then rinsing water as possible.

Fiona was tickled that I was doing science (by mixing chemicals to clean the spill).

And so, another day in the K house begins.

Ski Sessions

It was a long day. A day where my students left the classroom, sent on their way with a wan smile from me and a promise of a fresh start in the morning. Then I gathered my wits and tried not to cry - because even after 12 years in this job some days make you want to cry.

I have been skiing home with a colleague twice a week since the beginning of January. We get a good workout, some fresh air, and a chance to bounce ideas off each other and vent. Today, although it would have been a day with lots to vent about, I didn't. Instead we talked about our lives outside our job. It was really nice.

I love our ski sessions. I love to ski. I love the openness of being on the lake. I love the light as the golden hour opens. I love having someone to chat or be quiet with. I love the glow of endorphins that linger into my evening meal with my family and help me put aside the frustrations of the day.

I hope the lake stays really solidly frozen until mid-April. Because I need my ski sessions to stay sane on days like today.

Just a Bug

The malaise appears to be a bug we are all fighting in various stages. I mentioned that fact to a colleague at school today. She apologized and said that she had brought it back from her trip to Calgary last weekend. Grrr. I am not a fan of those hitch-hiker germs.

Despite the improved energy level, I feel like I've been dragged through a swamp today. Every moment of forward momentum in our learning was resisted with extreme prejudice by several of my dear friends (think temper tantrums with wall-kicking and stomping out of the building during class time), who are really having a hard time with Mondays. Or maybe they are having a really hard time with every day.

I am feeling at my wits end. I am not at my wits end; my Dear Lord won't let me run completely out. But I feel like I am out of patience, perseverance, and hope that this group will catch the spark of love of learning. I feel like an ogre, force-feeding knowledge to fatten up my students for the test. I miss feeling like a match, lighting a fire to inspire my students to discover that wonder of this world.

I think I also am struggling with a discouragement bug.

Sleepless

I have been feeling a malaise this weekend. It seems to have seeped into my very bones. I don't know where this exhaustion is coming from, I have been eating well, getting lots of exercise, and - wait - I have not been sleeping well. That must be it.

Sleep. Sweet, sweet sleep. I know that every mother on the planet regularly bemoans her lack of sleep. This time, though, it isn't really because of my kids.

I have been tossing and turning like there are nettles in my bed. I cannot get to sleep or stay asleep. It could be stress - I am prone to stressing out about things.

We are entering the season of anticipation; not Advent, but waiting to see about contracts for next year. Because of the upheaval at school this past month things are a bit tense around school. There is a lot of chatter in quiet corners about the future. I think that this is common when there is a change in leadership. I suppose that in many other professions this is a part of business as usual - leadership changes and the whole place gets a shake-up. It isn't usually like that in schools. Once you have established yourself with solid teaching practice and some seniority at a school, you don't really have to go through the annual worry about having a job next year. It's not tenure, but in the same vein, I guess.

It is strange that I feel so unsure. I know that I do my job well. I know that my admin. is happy with my work. I also know that getting teachers with experience and Spec. Ed. courses is not easy for reserve schools. However, I am feeling very much vulnerable to politics.

That nasty word, politics, raises its ugly head everywhere. It makes me want to close my classroom door, keep my head down and just trudge through every day without taking risks or sharing joys and sorrows with my colleagues. That would make me wither and die though. I love to share and hear ideas from colleagues.

Oh, well. This will pass, and there will be something new to worry about. For now, it helps to put it in words and try to let it go. Going outside to play with my kids will help, too. And it is a beautiful day out there.

Losing It

There are days where I really wonder why I bothered to get out of bed. Or perhaps I am just losing it. Friday was one of those days.

It was a PD Day of working in classrooms until noon. That was great. Unfortunately there was no daycare, so Jo was at school with us. As a result our time was not very productive.

We raced home, had a quick lunch then dashed off to town for errands. The library closes at 5 pm on Fridays, so we have a deadline to get the errands done. I was driving and talking (which some of you know can be a bad combination when I have something on my mind). The road was pretty icy, so I was driving carefully, but not carefully enough. I took a corner too fast and we didn;t quite make it around the corner.

Thankfully there was a nice big snowbank to keep us from sliping over the edge and we were able to push the car out ourselves. Somewhat chastened, I asked LK to drive the rest of the way and tried very hard not to break the door handle in my anxiety about icy road conditions.

As we pulled into town LK turned to me and said, "Have your knuckles turned white yet?" and nodded at my hand holding the door handle in a death grip. I just smiled and pretended that I was not completely freaked out.

I was really disappointed as I just got over my fears of the roads from my trip into the ditch last winter. It's may take me the rest of the winter to be comfortable behind the wheel again. Now Fiona will never get in the car with me driving again!

So we accomplished the groceries without further troubles. We pulled up in front of the library, our very favourite place in town and the high point of all trips to Kenora, and LK again turned to me, "Do you have change for the meter?"

"Yup," I assured him confidently. And forgot about it completely (as I am wont to do on ever so rare occasions).

Into the library we went. We had a great time choosing new books and videos for the week. The kids had play time and some computer time.

Books chosen, signed out and packed up we headed out of the library excited about dinner and listening to grumbling tummies. On the front dash was a parking ticket. Hmmm, someone forgot to put the money in the meter. I wonder who?

We pulled up a half a block further pay the ticket and found that we had missed the town hall by 5 minutes. They close at 4:30 and the slot to pay tickets said in big blocks letters, NO CASH PLEASE. Frustrated, I turned around and stuck the ticket in my purse to mail.

By now my DH was getting a bit testy about my ever-so-slightly flighty behaviour. I think he may have been wondering what was possessing his usually very competent wife. So, we headed of to McD's for some fast food comfort and play time for the kids before climbing into the car for the trip home.

After dinner, being the loving and helpful wife that I am, I offered to go out and start the car. Trying to be careful I started it and intentionally locked it with my keys in it because the lot was busy and I didn't want our day to end with a stolen car (we really didn't need that on top of the other issues).

We all walked back out to the car and I said, "You'll need to unlock it." LK looked at me with an expression that does not really have words. If it did, they wouldn't be very polite. He pulled out his electronic car opener do-dongle and pressed the button to open the door. It didn't work. The next look he gave me did have words, and they are definitely not polite.

Apparently car manufacturers in their eagerness to protect us again possible car-jacking make it so that you can lock the car from inside and the automatic door opener do-dongle won't work from the outside. Good to know. Wish I had known it before locking my keys inside with the engine running.

So, LK took the kids back inside. This is where I should have been able to whip out my cell and call CAA. But I forgot to charge the cell and left it sitting on my desk at home. Plus it doesn't have any minutes on it right now. Great emergency tool, that! I don't have CAA either.

I approached a kindly looking couple finishing off their dinner and asked, "If you had locked your keys inside your car in the parking lot, who would you call in Kenora?"

They suggested Canadian Tire and offered to drive me over to see. Evidence that Canadians are wonderful people. Thinking that there was a car dealership right across the road, I politely declined and sent them on their way. They left looking somewhat doubtful that I had a clue what I was doing.

As I trotted across the street I heard, "Hi E."

It was Mark, a classmate of Fiona's. He and his parents were just coming out of KFC.

"Vicki," I shouted with relief.

Last year it was Vicki and her partner, Randy, who rescued Fiona and I from the ditch. I was so happy to see them. Angels of mercy, they called the tow truck after trying to open it themselves. Then I sent them on their way and went inside to wait for the tow truck.

Half an hour and $60 later the car was open. As the truck driver put his tools away an older gentleman approached me and asked, "Did you get it open?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Would you like one of these? I keep them in my car for people who need them?" and he held out one of those magnetic key holders that you stick under your car for just such emergencies. I smiled and thanked him, feeling absolutely thankful for the kindness of each person I had run into, but incredibly foolish.

Loaded into the car we finally headed home.

Ten minutes later I realized what you may have been thinking for 5 minutes now. But, I kept my mouth shut. If I blurted it out I was sure that LK would blow a gasket. There is just so much a man can handle in one day.

Ten minutes later LK pulled over. Worrying what could be wrong now I looked at him. He turned to me and said, "So, I guess I could have just used my key."

Yup, we were so mired in the problem that we were completely blind to the solution sitting right there on his key ring beside the automatic do-dongle.

There was nothing to do but laugh.

Cupcakes

Last night was "the night before Valentine's". In my house this year that means a bonanza of baking cupcake treats for three classes of kids; mine, Fiona's and LK's. Cupcakes are not a huge task, particularly when you use a mix. So it was not a huge chore, just time consuming.

The biggest challenge was getting them all packed up to travel to school this morning. I decided to ice at school to make the travel easier (and there was no way I could find containers for 45 iced cupcakes in my kitchen). So I spent my lunch hour with a piping bag and pink icing in the school kitchen. That made the day a bit frazzled and I was running around with icing on my shirt all afternoon.

It was worth every minute to see and hear the reactions of the students. They were so tickled that such lovely cupcakes had been make just for them. When they came inside after lunch, they looked, smelled and said, "Mmmm, they smell really good." (I am pretty sure they just smelled like sugar). Then one of my boys stated, after taking his first bite, "You made the inside pink too, didn't you?" with a big grin on his face.

Be Mine

Since the 14th falls on the weekend, and since we had a PD Day on Friday, tomorrow is Valentine's Day (at school). While not quite the level of silliness and sugar-crazed giddiness of Halloween, Valentine's Day in elementary schools is a pretty big deal.

As soon as we arrived home after school today, Fiona started asking, "Can we do our Valentine's now?"

So all four of us sat around the table before supper. Fiona carefully wrote her Valentine's with a Sharpie (being very careful about where the marker marked as it is permanent). I cut and glued and wrote Valentine's for my class. And then together the two of us cut. glued and wrote Valentine's for Jo's daycare class.

What were the other two family members doing at this time (since they were gathered around the table also) you may ask.. playing LEGO. The boys were puttering with their LEGO.

Again I say, who could ask for more. I am a rich woman, surrounded by an amazing family (even though my 'grown up' husband loves any excuse to play LEGO with his kids).

Musings

An hour long drive into town gives one lots of time for reflection, conversation, and music. Although I hate the slippery roads and the anxiety of the drive home in the dark, I love the time with my love and the scenery is breath-takingly beautiful each and every time we drive it.

This week the trees were encased in crystal from last week's freezing rain. The brilliant blue sky provided a perfect backdrop for the trees' upper branches brighter than the sun shining on them. The rest of the branches are heavily laden with the snow that fell in the three days after the freezing rain and are bowed under the weight. Between the blue of the sky - like a midsummer day, and the white of the snow, the sparkle of the ice was more beautiful than diamonds.

Today we had one of the most beautiful days I can remember. I went for a long ski after breakfast out on the lake, which was a fabulous way to begin the day. After lunch we all went down to the lake and re-shovelled our rink. The kids took their little shovels and sleds. LK worked like a dog and go the whole rink cleared. The weather was balmy enough to go coatless and mittenless while shovelling. It was wonderful.

Today I am deeply content with my life. Although we are physically far from family and many of our friends, we are deeply blessed. My family brings me deep joy- my kids and husband are the greatest gifts in this world. My job gives me an opportunity to make a difference in this world- one students at a time. I am learning to develop relationships with my family and friends in new ways over the many kilometres. I live in a place that makes it impossible to stay inside or ignore the creative palette of the Master Artist.

"The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they display knowledge.

There is no voice or language

where their voice is not heard."

- Psalm 19

No Homework for the Teacher

We have a new rule at school for teachers; daybooks must be filled in and on our desks before we leave at the end of the day. I used to do this all the time. This year I have been leaving right at 4:00 because of the little people, well one little person- Jo causes chaos if we bring him into the classroom after school. To prevent that we simply pick him up from daycare and go straight home.

LK and I have been doing most of our marking and planning at home in the evenings after the little people are in bed. That way we have time to plan thoughtfully, bounce ideas off each other, and make sure that what we plan for tomorrow reflects what we see in what our students did today. It has been working well for us, until last week.

It seems that we have a few colleagues who don't plan. When they call in sick there is absolutely nothing on their desks to indicate to a sub what should be done. Not even a daily schedule. To make sure that everyone does their job, this new rule has been imposed. I have been struggling with it.

This week my students have been pushing every button they can find, so we have a lot of recess detentions to finish work or pay a detention. I have been with students almost all day. Yesterday I had enough after a particularly long and frustrating day. I had one 30 minute break in an 8 hour day where I needed to mark, plan and eat. I don't like those days.

I was teary by 3:30 and frustrated enough that I wanted to storm Fearless Leader's office and dump my frustration all over his desk. Thankfully we had a staff meeting and I couldn't. I slept on it and had a much better day today.

I also had a realization when I got home from a substantially improved day today; I worked really hard all day, and got all my planning and marking done before I left the school. I have no homework tonight! I cannot remember that last time that was true.

So, instead of rushing around when we got home to get dishes done, dinner started and everything started for tomorrow we went outside and shovelled snow and played for an hour. It was balm to my soul. I got to shovel snow that felt like feathers on my shovel and watch my kids play with complete freedom and abandon.

So, even though I hate this new rule. I am going to keep my mouth shut and take the lesson in it. Be more efficient, make less detailed plans and just get it done. Then I can have a life and really enjoy my family.

I may even get to watch an episode of Bones with my sweetie before bed.