Twas the Night Before School and All Through the House...

...every creature was scurrying, including the mouse. My we are in a hustle today getting lesson plans and calendars and lunch bags and outfits sorted out.

Jo has not been feeling well today and went to bed at 6:00. He spent most of the day sitting in my lap or sleeping. I pray that he is healthy tomorrow so LK and I can both go to work. Calling in sick on the first day of school is really not cool.

Fi is counting down the hours until school starts. She is over the moon about the creative writing program that her new teacher does (lights out, music playing and only silent writing). Over dinner she shared her morning plans with us; get up really early, get dressed right away without even her morning stretch, brush her teeth and wash her face before breakfast and then go right downstairs for breakfast. She is even planning to pack her own backpack with her lunch, since she is so grown up and a grade two now.

I am remembering all the details that I forgot in my classroom, and telling myself that everything doesn't have to be perfect the first day- such personal growth for me. I have got lunches made and every one's clothes laid out, ready to leap into. Somehow I have to get up when the alarm goes off, not half an hour later, and get a run in. If I don't I'll be all grouchy by the end of the day and no good to anyone at all. I anticipate that I will be the least tired member of the family tomorrow at dinner (as I am the old pro at this first day of school thing) and need to cook supper, etc.

LK is printing handouts and plans and going through the big box that was just dropped off. It is part of his classroom order that was not made by the previous teacher in the spring. He and I sat down and made an order last week. Some of it is here, and the rest will come by the end of the week. I imagine he won't sleep a wink tonight. He has only slept a few this week.

By Friday we will all be delighted to enjoy three whole days together without external demands on us. We will make it through the first week on the strength of prayer. We sure don't have what it takes to be what is needed by our children, students, and friends.

So, Lord, prepare hearts tonight. Pour out courage and strength on us. Let your grace flow through us to each person we meet tomorrow. May your name be honoured through the work of our hands and the words of our lips.

Amen and Goodnight.

Gone

Last night as I was falling asleep, I was halfway through a post in my head. Now, for the life of me, I can't remember it. It's just gone.

It's a day that makes me reflect on all the things that I love about my life. The weather is beautiful and hinting of autumn. We had a relaxed breakfast in town as a family. We bought school supplies for the three of us going back to school; lunch bags, pens, highlighters, etc. After lunch we went to the park to play and wander. It was a lovely day.

The only thing I would change about the day was that the library is still on summer hours and is closed on Saturdays. Ho-hum. I still haven't finished half the books I have on my nightstand, so it's not for the books. I just like to be in a place with so many books, and with people who like books.

I did run into one of our librarians in the grocery store though. I guess that will do for now.

Tired

I am tired.

Need more hours in the day to get it all done. I have new respect for the many parents out there who both work and juggle kids, too. It's a whole new level of giving. I miss reading.

That's all for now.

Opportunity Grasped

Today LK signed a contract with the school and is officially the new grade 7 teacher. We have become a two-teacher family.

This job is very clearly a gift. We began praying last spring for work for LK in the fall. He is feeling the weight of isolation, Jo needs time outside the house, and grocery prices jumped again. We had something part-time in mind. However, God rarely answers prayer in the way we expect. Always his answers are better for us in the long run than our hopes or wishes could ever be. The timing is tight, but that is also normal for God (at least in my experience). It is an opportunity that cannot be refused without refusing an answer to prayer.

I am thankful for this gift, and knock-kneed about meeting the challenge. Please continue to pray for courage and wisdom as we strive to meet the daily needs of our students and our children.

My Boys

Just look at those faces. I love these boys- well, really, one of them isn't a boy. But I love them. Fiona took this picture. Pretty impressive composition for a 5 year old.

My family rocks!

Calvin

LK is a big fan of Calvin and Hobbes. He has collected most of the treasuries and we have read them repeatedly. I always thought that Calvin was cute, but not entirely realistic. That was until Jo.

Now I have a real life Calvin. Sometimes I have no idea what to do with him. He seeks out trouble and dirt, demands chocolate milk daily, and is completely unrepentant when he whacks his sister over the head with a truck.

Other times all I can do is laugh. His grin is infectious. His curiosity is unquenchable. And I cannot resist his, "Pweese, Mama?"

My children have stretched me to new heights of patience and flexibility. They have helped me see the world through fresh eyes. But most importantly, they are teaching me the value of grace and forgiveness.

Ghosts

I think that everyone has people in their history that they haven't stayed in touch with, for various reasons, who may pop up unexpectedly. Today I had a friend from waaaaay back in high school pop up on facebook.

With the reconnection and requisite sharing of years' worth of news comes a host of memories that had been languishing in the back of my memory for a long time. Many of those memories bring a big smile to me face.

When I was in fourth grade my parents pulled up stakes and moved from northern BC to eastern Ontario. For me this was leaving what had been home for my whole life. They were moving closer to their roots and family. We ended up on a small town in the Ottawa Valley.

When my sisters and I were making the transition to high school, our mom was looking for a way to establish positive social relationships for us to help circumvent the temptations of small town high school life. There were not a lot of options to choose from, so she started a youth group in our church. This was one of the best parenting decisions, in my opinion, she ever made. We ended up with an amazing set of friends and experiences that impacted who we are as adults.

Every time I hear from someone who was connect to the PYP through retreats or service projects, Bible studies or sports tournaments I end up smiling. High school itself was not what I would title the best years of my life (not the worst either), but PYP events were definitely some of the best days and moments.

I wonder where everyone is, what they are doing, are they happy, did they sort through their hopes, dreams, and fears to find a place in God's kingdom that brings them joy?

Where is everyone now?

Opportunity Knocking?

I had a strange day at school today. The Head Honcho (not my principal, Fearless Leader, but the top dog at the school) sat down beside me in the Staff Room and said, "I have a new grade 7 teacher and its Laurens."

"MY Laurens?" I replied, somewhat puzzled.

"Yes," she grinned.

We chatted about the need for a grade 7 teacher and the possibility of my LK filling the position. I promise to ask him to think about it and get back to her. Then I went off to my class to putter on setting up furniture and bulletin board backgrounds. The whole time I was, of course, puttering in my head about this surprising new development. It was literally out of the blue for me.

Later I went to the office and sat down with Fearless Leader and Head Honcho and asked if they were perhaps joking earlier. We chatted some more, and did a bit of brainstorming and supposing. Again I promised to pose the idea to LK when I got home and get back to them.

Now we are discussing and weighing many pros and cons. We are praying constantly for clarity. Is this an opportunity for us as a family to take a great step forward in much faith, and to make a huge financial step forward out of our chasm of debt? Or, is this a chance to reaffirm our commitment to having a parent at home full-time and raising out own kids rather than farming them out to others? Much puttering in our heads tonight.

Please pray for us as we try to decide wisely. So many people's well-being to consider...

Anniversary

It's our anniversary today; Grassy and our family, that is. My how we have changed. Not on the outside. We both look almost exactly the same as we did when we got together last August. On the inside we are both different.

I can still feel the terror uncertainty of driving into a place that seemed completely foreign with no personal connections to ease the transition. If I close my eyes I can slip back into the emotions of that week. Excitement, nervousness, fear, disappointment, hopefulness. I remember lying in bed with LK those first few nights close to tears at what we had left behind and the mountain of newness we were facing here. There were nights that I slipped over the border into tearful questioning why we were here.

I still don't have a solid answer to why we are here. I do know that we have been changed. I am stronger and know that my family is stronger than before. I know that we have been changed by people we have met here. I am looking forward to exploring new relationships this year with students, colleagues and neighbours.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this small community in northern Ontario is building a little home in our hearts that will never disappear. I know for sure that this move was not in any way a mistake, and that we are the better for it.

Dilemma Solved

In the face of a problem I am most often inclined to gather information. It helps me to make not so knee-jerk well-thought out decisions. I have done the same thing with the FSL dilemma.

I sought advice from various other teachers on the issue and was left with the same dilemma; some people advised getting the FSL right away and others had concerns about being 'stuck' with a teaching subject that is not a passion for me. Hmmmm, not so helpful.

BUT I chatted with my long suffering spouse (who has infinite great patience with my waffling) and together we decided that I am not ready to try and pass this entrance exam. It would be much wiser to take my Primary AQ this fall, which I really want to take, and work on my French to do it later.

What does this mean for my hopes and plans for the future? I don't know. I do know that every step of my professional path has been as guided by God as my personal path. I have faith that God knows my whole family's needs and will provide for them bountifully. He always has in the past, and I have no reason to believe that He will change that now.

So, I am looking forward to an exciting fall with a course that I am keen to begin rather than dreading. That in itself is a sign that we made the right choice.

Horns of a Dilemma

I know that I agonize over every little medium-sized dilemma in my life like the decision I make will change the fate of the universe, but I like to make sure that I consider all the stakeholders and all the implications of each option. It does make for rather exhausting deliberations.

And now I am wrestling with another.

So, I love to learn and am planning to take courses on teaching for eternity, but having to keep deciding what courses to take. One might think its easy, take what interests you. That is definitely a good point, BUT... I have this idea in my head about where we are going as a family and I am not sure if taking what I love (although it would be most enjoyable) is going to be smart in terms of keeping myself employable.

In the past year and a half, the responsibility of earning money in our family has gone from a shared role between LK and I to my role. LK has taken on the full-time family management role. It has been a change that enabled us to slow down and enjoy our kids and one another much more than the busy juggling we used to do with two jobs. However, I have begun to appreciate the pressure that so many parents (single-income, or single-parents) feel in providing financially for their families.

I have spent the summer convinced that I really want to move back to southern Ontario to be closer to family and friends, and enjoy cheap groceries and gas (as well as VV and Winners, of course). Now that we are home again, I am not so sure.


I like my job. I like the people I work with. We have a really nice little home. We are starting to build a sense of community; the librarians welcomed us back when we first walked in (we have a bit of an unusual relationship with books and libraries in this family)! There were big smiles of welcome as we ran into neighbours from here in Grassy.

To be employable 'down south' I need to get my FSL course. That means passing an entrance exam in a week and a half. I am completely panicked somewhat concerned about passing that and about the work it will take to wade through the course, in which most of the required reading are in French. There is an element of my fear of failing in this reluctance, I admit. There is also a fear of ending up with a teaching subject on my resume that I am only really pursuing in order to get a job. I really don't want to be a French teacher. I really love being a classroom teacher. I love literacy and writing and books.

Now LK has made it clear that he supports whatever course of action I want to follow; security (or the illusion of it) or my passion. This is a dilemma that pinpoints the very core dichotomy of my being; the conflict between safety and risk.

Well now, that brings another element. Did I not spend the end of the school year promising myself that I would take those risks that I had been avoiding for years because of the "what ifs"? I was then thinking of trying to do something at which I may well fail. But now I think perhaps that following my passion is also a risk.

And perhaps I am driving myself mad with this navel-gazing over-analysis! But, if I am taking the FSL I have to register by tomorrow. If not, then I can relax a bit and register for another course.

Perhaps the most important aspect of making this decision has been left out of my whole process. I think because I am afraid that if I leave it up to Him, He will send me along a path that is not the one I want to take.

Still no solution...

Summer Reflections

It is inevitable with me that there is lots of reflection on a big event like our summer trip. So this is the first of several posts working through the good, the bad, and the ugly (weather).

It felt like coming home when we drove up to each house we visited this summer. Even though we have never been to some of them before. I think that says a lot about the amazing people that we are blessed to have in our life.

Waterloo felt like home because Dave, Em and the girls were there. My mom warned me right before our visit to Waterloo that I shouldn't be upset if things were different with our friends. I was worried that it might be awkward or we might not have anything to talk about. I didn't need to be. It felt like we had just been gathered for a BBQ in their backyard last week. It was a great reminder that friendships like this are a rare thing in adult life and ought to be treasured for their priceless value. I was also wonderful to watch Fi and Izzy play peacefully for hours (unless "the boy" tried to join in). Poor Jo didn't really find a place to fit with two more girls, but his time was coming. The highlight of our time with the J's for me was Sunday. A huge part of being in the J's life is participating in their huge family circle. The circle is open and warm and means that their house is often full of people; some related by blood, some by faith. Sunday Abby was baptized and the J's house was full of people. It was a taste of the sweet fellowship I know we will enjoy in heaven. Every visit with Dave and Em is a taste of that fellowship.

St. Catharines was home because the Koks are there. The visit with them came just as I was having my first 'too long away from home blues' and Stacy was the best person to work through that with. Her perspective on being far from family and working in a situation that is unfamiliar was grounded solidly in biblical adivce that helped me sort through my culture shock. I remember watching and eavesdropping on the conversations my mom had with her sisters-in-faith during my late elementary years and early high school and longing for that sense of openness and honesty with other people. With Stacy I have that. I can count on her for good advice and a kind, patient ear when I hurt. She also inspires me to be a better mother. I am constantly amazed at her patience with 4 kids under 6 (and she is crazy enough to have even considered a fifth). Our kids had a fabulous time playing together, and this time there were three other boys for Jo to play with. We all cried when it was time to leave, but knew that this is another place that is home because of the special people there.

Our last friends visit was with the Miles who were camping at Arrowhead. Again, no matter where I meet them the people who came into my life while I lived in TO are amazing. I am amazed that I could have so many families of people come into my life in one place and stay in my heart. Janelle and Jacob also joined us for a day at Arrowhead. Gathered around the firepit with Donna and Janelle felt like sitting around in the WCS staffroom gabbing together. The three of us were pregnant together and all had our sons (the little J's) within 2 months. Donna was supposed to have Joel after me, but she has a hot oven and pops them out early every time. Joel was due two weeks after Jo, but born a week before. These girls are my humour-heart. We gripe about our frustrations, laugh at one another's idiocies and celebrate the joy of our lives. Plus, as an added bonus Janelle really appreciates a good pair of heels.

There were so many moments where I had to stop and take a mental picture of the setting and the emotions I was feeling during these visits.

Watching my kids play with others they hadn't seen for a year of ever was wonderful. I saw how much my children have grown and changed in the last year. I saw how much the connections they had with friends has not changed. Fiona 'mothering' Izzy and setting boundaries for how Jo may and may not playing with them. Jo wading into every play situation with gusto and making friends everywhere we went.

Curled up chatting with my girls or wrestling with life decisions over chopping vegetables, or gathered around a backyard bbq brought moments of deep contentment. Those were the moments where everything stood still and I savoured the feeling of richness. I thank God for the people he has given to me as friends.

Watching my husband with other people and seeing him draw a shy child out, get down and play with the kids, step back and let others have the spotlight... all moments where I was awestruck by how much grace was poured out the day I was given this husband. I so do not deserve this man. But man, I love him.

So, although we have little material wealth we are rich beyonds measure.

Homeward Bound

Summer had been elusive here in the 'sunny south', and we are ready to head north again. The last load of laundry is in the dryer. The last trip to VV and Winners has been completed. A new bed for Jo and a new desk for Fi are loaded on the top of the car. We are enjoying the last few hours with the Kaldeways before we head home.

I am definitely ready to go home. It has been a very busy summer, and I am longing for the peace of our lake. I can just hear the loons echo in my memory if I listen carefully enough. I miss falling asleep in my own bed. I am ready to embrace our own routine and home again.

Lessons learned from this summer;

1. Three weeks is too long to spend in anyone else's house- even if you love them completely.
2. Kids travel well, but need the familiarity of home just as much as adults do.
3. Really good friends stay that way, even if you are 2 000 km away. Thank God for that!
4. God was being incredibly gracious the day he picked out my husband for me; I can never forget what a gift LK is.
5. I don't have to be the person anyone else wants me to be; I only have to be the person God created me to be. That may not be who my family thinks I should be.
6. I really do like the amenities of city life; enough to put up with the pollution.
7. We are a family of explorers, new places and people fascinate us. So we will make travel a priority all our lives.
8. I love green things, but they don't have to be wild. Cultivation is okay.
9. I love to run, and need it to help me stay sane.
10. My favourite place in the world to be is with my family.

So, all in all a good summer. Parts were challenging, parts were inspiring. It was all a wonderful adventure in relationships with the people we love most on this planet. We are heading home with the steadfast faith that we will be closer to these precious people soon. I am praying for a full-time teaching job somewhere south of Superior for next September.

Next post will be from our northern nest in Grassy. Thanks everyone for your TLC and patience with us this summer. You have made this summer a warm memory to hold us through a long winter.

xoxo