Accustomed

When you live with something you get accustomed to it. We have become accustomed to an 80km drive to the grocery store on roads that feel like a roller coaster, living without satellite or cable, and buying ice cream only when its on sale drastically lower than the regular $8 a carton price.

I forget that some of these things are quite normal for most Canadians (buying things on sale particularly), even southerners. But others not-so-much.

Oma arrived for a week visit yesterday. We trekked to Winnipeg in the morning. On the not-yet-plowed roads it took 4 1/2 hours to go to the airport. We were there on time to welcome her, though, so it was totally worth it. Plus I found the perfect purse in Winners on the way!

We left Winnipeg at 3:30, so most of the drive was in the dark. The sunset behind us was gorgeous, though. Oma was as agog as I was that first time driving through the northern landscape.

When we turned onto the home road (which is the 70km roller coaster) I warned her that this was the rough part of the ride. When we got about 1/3 of the way home she started to grip the handle above the door. The road is intimidating in the light, but downright scary in the dark. Especially your first time travelling it. And honestly, I was driving really slow to avoid any slipping and sliding on the road.

So Oma has arrived safely, and is learning first-hand what we have become accustomed to after the move from down south. It will be a fun week!

Surely

We had our turkey dinner late. It was still frozen when we pulled it out of the back of the fridge yesterday afternoon to get started on the roasting. After 13 years of marriage LK and I are still pretty inexperienced with holiday birds. This is only our second turkey in all those years.

For many of our Christmases and Thanksgivings we have been part of a group of leftovers who are not with family on the holiday itself. In TO we had friends who often hosted the leftover-crowd for a potluck holiday meal. Church has been the center of our holidays so intensely for so long that we are really making an adjustment to holidays without church.

The only other time we attempted a turkey was when I hosted family for Thanksgiving at our apartment on Weston Road. That was quite a few years ago. Since them we have contributed side dishes to the potluck usually.

This year it is just the four of us for the very first time (last year we had another teacher over for our own leftover meal). There were a few moments when LK expressed a desire for a ham that he could just warm in the oven with some slices of pineapple, but it turned out to be one of the best turkeys I have ever had.

We had homemade cranberry sauce, sausage and apple stuffing, corn, steamed baby potatoes, and of course the centrepiece of the meal, turkey. We even had sparkling grape juice to enhance the flavours on our palates. The meal was topped off with a delicious blueberry pie a la mode.

As we say down to pray, Handel's Messiah was playing in the background. I heard one of my favourite sections come on, "Surely He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows! He was wounded for our transgressions; He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon Him. And with His stripes we are healed." I was so grateful for my Saviour who carries my burdens and sorrows. I am so thankful for his peace.

The only thing that could have made this Christmas better would be to have our families and friends gathered around the table with us.

Merry Christmas to all our loved ones, whether part of our earthly or heavenly family.

Enjoy the blessings of one another and the beauty of this season.

May we all be blessed with hearts filled with gratitude in the coming year.

Why the Vehemence?

Every time LK finds an interesting article when he is reading up on the news, he forwards the link to me. He knows that anything education related is something that I definitely want to read. So yesterday he sent me this link http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/toronto/no-more-fall-report-card-for-ontario-kids/article1408248/ to an article in the Globe I was very interested. I had heard about the commission doing a report on evaluation in Ontario last year while I was doing research for my course and had forgotten about it. Now it has come out and the Ontario Gov't. is making changes to the report cards in response to that report.

I read the article and then made the mistake of reading the comments. Where did this massive hate-on for teachers come from? Why do so many people hate us? I had to force myself to stop reading and turn it off so I wouldn't get really upset.

But what is the point of getting upset? When we form an opinion about something, as humans beings we often commit deeply to those opinions. Arguments to convince someone that their opinion is wrong doesn't really make a difference. Showing them that there may be other options does.

So, how do I take the looming changes to assessment practice in Ontario and use it to do a better job in serving my students? The only thing that will change the minds of parents and community members convinced that all teachers are leeches on society who constantly complain about how difficult they have it is to see teachers working hard and making a difference.

One thing though, why do people insist on comparing the training of our children with sales? My child is not a piece of stereo equipment. She is a human being, vastly more valuable and complex than the most valuable piece of technology. Her success in her education is not a matter of getting x-number of right answers on a test. Neither is the success of my students.

Couldn't we put our energy into supporting them rather than bashing teachers?

Laughter

Laughter is the best medicine. I have heard that quoted everywhere from Reader's Digest to the staffroom when teachers are barely hanging on at the end of a rough term. It is so true. After four months that were the very busiest of the past twelve-and-a-half years of married life we are sitting back, relaxing, and laughing.

Yesterday, as I attempted to take the dog (which I am dog sitting, not ours) for a walk (not the jumping party she clearly wanted) Fiona and Josiah toddled along. They really toddled. Jo was pulling our little red sled, backwards, up the hill towards the reserve resembling a little green Michelin Man. Fiona kept walking ahead of him, then going back and asking, "When are you going to hurry up, Jo," in that big-sister-with-no-patience-for-pokey-little-brothers voice that all big sisters have used (I know as I am a big sister who still uses that voice).

Keeping a safe distance from the kids, so they would not be mauled in an oh-so-friendly way by a puppy who REALLY wanted to be friends, I watched them sort out the pulling of the sled without my running interference. I was impressed with how they interacted. There was the typical tone of long-suffering patience from the elder, and lots of stirring the pot from the younger, but they didn't hit one another or get mad. They worked it out. And they laughed. At the top of their lungs with complete freedom. It was a moment to hold on to and savour.

Maybe I need to learn to step back a bit in my parenting and let my kids work it out themselves more often.

We stayed outside until well past dark (which is currently at 4:20) playing in our three inches of snow without the puppy (who has almost no hair and can't handle the cold well at all). It reminded me of how I loved winter as a kid. All in all, a good day.

Holidays

It official. We are on holidays! First task, clean house that has not been cleaned in three weeks; done! Now, to enjoy the quiet. Oh, wait. There will be no quiet in this house. Jo is loud and proud to be the biggest little presence in the house.

Josiah's new favourite phrases are;

• "Hurray! Cissmas!" shouted at top volume about anything Christmas-related. Santa (Fearless Leader in costume) visited the school yesterday, handing out presents to all the students. Jo was agog at Santa and absolutely thrilled with his present. He has been carrying it around all day today.
• "I wuv ----. Do you Mama? Do you wuv ---?" asked about various daily items such as lunch, books, snow, yogurt. I am holding my breathe for when he says it to me...
• "Shoot!" which is our swear and he uses whenever something goes wrong. Often it comes out when he has dropped or broken something that he is working on building.

I remember when Fiona was learning new phrases and experimenting with them. Now Jo is going through the same exploration. Often it is funny, sometimes it pulls at the heartstrings- and always it as awesome to listen as a little person learns to use and play with language.

Gingerbread

It is a traditions for Fi and I to make gingerbread cookies for our classes each year at Christmastime. This year we have three classes to bake for. So, after putting the kids to bed tonight I mixed up a double batch of gingerbread dough a la Anna Olsen.

If you are not a FoodTV junkie, Anna Olsen is a pastry chef who creates the most amazingly delicious treats. My absolute favourite food group - dessert. The best part of this recipe is that it uses fresh ginger. The flavour is a whole different level than dried ginger.

Tomorrow after dinner it is time to roll, cut and bake. This step requires a group effort and Fi needs to be involved. I can't wait to taste them when they come out of the oven.

Three More Days...

Okay, last week was tough. And we have been paying this weekend for stretching the little man way past his tolerance for change and lack of attention last week (see post from last Wednesday). We are tired from getting up with an overtired pre-schooler all night and are counting the sleeps until we can get a really good sleep ourselves.

So, this morning in church we were less-than-thrilled to find out that the heat at daycare is still off. There is a blockage in the line that brings heat from the community heating building to that whole neighbourhood. They are installing baseboard heaters in the daycare for back-up asap. That is not southern Ontario ASAP (yesterday), but Grassy asap (when we can get to it). So, there will be no daycare Monday, Tuesday (for a meeting already scheduled) and maybe Wednesday also.

Aiyy-yi-yi!

LK and I spent the past several hours trying to figure out the best coping strategy for this situation. There isn't a best strategy. This week is the last few days before the Christmas holiday. That means Monday is a madhouse of finishing up projects that will be completely forgotten by students after the holiday. Tuesday is rehearsal day; all day. And Wednesday is the big Christmas program and feast. None of which is exactly a good time for a classroom teacher to be absent. All of which requires all of a teacher's skills to maintain a (sort of) calm classroom, some progress in completing tasks, and enthusiasm for a performance that we are really not quite ready to do.

So, please keep us in prayer as we juggle Christmas program rehearsals tomorrow and Tuesday, with an extra extra-small student in our classrooms and the last few days of building insanity before the Christmas holidays (as is only experienced in classrooms filled with students who have been anticipating this holiday since September 1st).

My mantra for this week: Three more days... we can hold it all together for three more days.

Booster Seat

Fiona graduated to a booster seat this morning before we headed into town. That means she has hit the 40 lb. mark for weight. She is pleased as punch with being able to sit in a big-kid booster seat instead of a car seat. It is also a lot easier to move in and out of the car.

I am a bit stunned that my baby is suddenly so grown up.

However, the meltdown right before bed when her little brother wouldn't do as she told him proved that she is still far from grown up. So, I have time to enjoy them still.

Payout

For a brief history lesson here is a quote that summarizes a lot of the recent history of GN's interaction with the larger Canadian culture in the last generation. It is true. You can google any of these issues yourself and find many reputable sites and reports of all the the events below. I have done it to learn about where we were moving to last summer. However, I am using a quote because the authors of this site put it very succinctly.

"In the 1960s and 1970s, the Ontario government allowed pulp and paper companies to dump tons of methyl mercury into the rivers of north-western Ontario. People of Grassy Narrows First Nation got very ill with mercury poisoning. Twenty years later, the community still feels appalling health and social effects. They have suffered other environmental assaults beside mercury poisoning: in the 1950s, Ontario Hydro manipulated the water levels in the rivers in order to generate "clean" hydro power, and wiped out the Grassy Narrows wild rice harvest. And today, the Province of Ontario has licensed Abitibi to clear-cut in the Whiskey-Jack forest, traditional hunting and trapping grounds of the people of Grassy Narrows. To stop the destruction of their hunting grounds, the people of Grassy Narrows have blocked the roads into the forest." taken from http://www.air-fair.org/principles.html

One of these acts resulted in a payout to the GN First Nation that is in a trust for the people of GN. Each year there is a payout day where GN residents are able to pick up their share of the trust for that year. Payout day is a big deal here in Grassy. We had no school yesterday so that all community members (including school staff) could pick up their checks, which need to be done in person.

For my students, Payout is on their minds for more than week before the day, putting Christmas in the shadows until it passes. They have big questions on their minds; how much, what will I do with mine, will we go to Winnipeg, and so on.

Before Payout day, I suggested to my students that they use some of their payout money to get warm winter gear- which many of them have not worn yet. The temperatures dropped to -24 last night (before wind chill). This morning it was a brisk -22 when we left the house. I was delighted to see many students walking into the school this morning with new boots, coats, hats, mitts, etc. They looked warm!

Then I realized that this same thing happened last year. Winter arrived, but winter gear didn't show up on many students until after payout. Of course, there are the stubborn (or maybe just crazy) few who insist that they are not cold at twenty below in a hoodie and sneakers, and who never wore a winter coat to school all year. Is there some award for being super tough? But many students looked so much happier heading out for recess this morning.

So, even though it means a few days that are super-unproductive (as many students aren't here for payout day and the day afterwards), I am glad for it. I want to see warm students outside enjoying the fun of recess.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

I have heard complaints about daycare in Ontario for years. The concerns about affordable daycare space shortages has been in and out of the news for years with no solution in sight. I always thought that we would be able to slip by that issue as we planned to have one parent at home with the kids always- even if that meant working opposite schedules.

After a few years of opposite schedules and the toll it took on our own relationship- hard to maintain a connection with someone you rarely see- we are trying a different tack. This year, due to an amazing out-of-the-blue opportunity, we are both working full-time. That brings with it new challenges for family life that we have not faced before in our relationship.

It also brings new appreciation for the struggles of others that I never had the appropriate sympathy for. The phrase "walk a mile in my shoes..." resonates for me today. DM, I am learning an entirely new respect for the balancing act you walk everyday with your family.

The current struggle is with daycare. Now, we are deeply appreciative for an amazing daycare. Doubly appreciative that our community daycare is really wonderful because it is the only daycare option for 80km. Josiah is happy, learning and loves going to daycare- what more could a parent ask? However, the daycare is occasionally shut down with little notice due to the heat not working.

Before you suggest that they replace their furnace, the heat is delivered to the large buildings in the community from a 'community heating system' that is really cool. I think if you google the term you may even find a few hits about Grassy. Very interesting.

But back onto my point here...

We have arrived at the daycare doors to a note that daycare is closed due to no heat. This week we received a phone call from thoughtful school staff members two days in a row to let us know before we left home that the daycare is closed because there is no heat.

Our options are;

1. use up one more precious sick/compassionate leave day when no one is sick to stay home with the little man and have a great day of one-on-one time, but leave our students and school in the lurch with an extremely short substitute teacher list,
2. or take the little man with us to school and shuttle him between our classrooms depending on what we are doing each period.

Neither option is ideal. But, as my father recently pointed out to me, coping strategies that we use to deal with reality can often be less than desirable when closely examined. I am not happy with our coping strategy- we have a very overstimulated little boy and my class didn't get nearly the attention they deserved or needed today because my attention was divided between their needs and the needs of my little man.

So, what to do? Compassionate leave days are designed for the purpose of family emergencies. Daycare is not my employer's concern. But I haven't got an option for back-up care. This is when I really wish my mom lived down the road.

For now, we cope with a less-than-ideal coping strategy and I pray, as we did at dinner tonight in addition giving thanks for our food, for the heat to be on at daycare really soon!

The Purpose of Blogging

Reading blogs is a hobby. I am addicted to teacher blogs. I feel like it gives me a peek inside other teachers' heads and helps me to laugh at the situations that come up in my own classroom that make you either laugh or cry.

Some teachers blog to share the joys of their job. They clearly love their job and their students a LOT. One example is Look at My Happy Rainbow found at http://halpey1.blogspot.com/. This kindergarten teacher finds delightful gifts in most of his days. He makes me want to be a better teacher. He loves his students and that comes through clearly in his writing.

Some teachers blog to vent the frustrations that are part of the profession. An interesting example is This Brazen Teacher found at http://thisbrazenteacher.wordpress.com/. Those blogs can be a blend of love for students and frustration with politics in a highly politicized profession that isn't about politics at all- its about kids. Some of those teachers are angry at the system, and that is clear. Many of them are struggling with feeling like they are cogs trapped in a system that limits their ability to make a difference for their students by its own structure.

So, why do I blog. I am a teacher. It is a massive part of my identity. I believe 100% that I was created and designed to teach. I love it and cannot think of any job that would be more interesting, exciting, and fun. But, I am frustrated with an imperfect world.

Do I blog just as a teacher? Do I blog as a sister, daughter, niece, friend who lives far away and is trying to keep in touch? Do I blog as a Christian sharing my faith journey with anyone who is interested in walking beside me?

I blog for all of those reasons. Each day a different reason is at the fore of my heart and in the focus of my blog.

One thing that I want to avoid is the angry, vindictive blog. There are times when I am angry. There are times when I am so angry I want to scream at the top of my lungs and lie on the floor and throw a temper tantrum worthy of my two-year old son. Sometimes I am angry because of my two-year old temper tantrum throwing son. Sometimes I am angry because of my own foolish words and actions that came back to bite me in the butt. Sometimes I am angry at the hurt someone else caused me or my loved ones. Sometimes I am angry because this world is a completely broken place without hope for a future of peace or joy EXCEPT for the gift of Christ.

That stops my anger. How can I stay all growly and teary in the face of a child, an only child, given out of complete love, for me. How can I stay angry in the light of God's graciousness. I am shamed into silence at my own foolish arrogance. What right have I to expect justice for my kids, or myself, or my family, or the guy-down-the-road-who-I-don't-even-know when I am incapable of justice myself?

I can only ask for grace, and more grace. Grace for myself in my selfish arrogance. Grace for my family in our exhausted attempts to love one another. Grace for my students in their struggle to learn and grow. Grace for my colleagues who wrestle with demons I have no clue about. Grace for my community who strives to cope in a world that is filled with greed and hurt and pain.

I look forward to Christmas. Not just because of the holiday- although I really need the holiday- but because it bring to life my purpose and hope in being a teacher, a mother, a wife, a friend. Since Jesus gave his life for mine, and walked on this world without sin I need to get up fresh each day and try once again to give mine for the people that I interact with.

That monumental task (that I cannot do on my own and often screw up in), and the adventures that come with it, is why I blog.

Retractions?

Since my last post I have been reflecting. My dad also was talking to me about the post. It seems to have come across as much more virulent than I intended.

I have been reflecting on honesty. How does one balance the need for truth with the need to cover hurts, the need to stand up for oneself with the needs of the community? How should I, as an outsider in a community, balance the expectations of my culture and my own expectations with those of the community.

How can I balance what I don't understand? How can I understand what no one talks about?

My dad posed the theory that perhaps the issues that bother me, about which I vented in my last post, are examples of a community coping in a situation that is less than ideal. The alternatives to dealing with the staff issues are much more hurtful to the community. Sort of a 'lesser of the evils' situation.

So, I apologize to anyone who found my last post angry. Although, truthfully it was. But it was not intended to be hurtful to anyone.

I am wrestling with the fact that my world isn't black and white, but filled with greys. I long for the simplicity of black and white answers to the brokenness of this world.

Please pray for me; for a heart that sees beyond my own experiences and for compassion for the hurt and solutions that don't make sense to me, but are necessary for the survival of others. Mostly for humility to see that I do not know better than God.

Where in the World?

Where in the world can you call in sick for work often on Mondays for over a year and not lose your job? Where in the world can you sign a contract that promises prep time and then have no prep time because the prep teachers are sick and we only have one sub? Where in the world can you feel completely stressed trying to decide if your child is sick enough to keep home because you only have 11 sick/compassionate leave days a year (even though you work in a cesspool of germs every single day, and the 'industry standard' for sick days is 20)?

Well, if you guessed working on a reserve school, you win!

Grrrrr! I am so frustrated.

I really love my job and my students (well I love my students most days- not so much on the days when they flip furniture over and call me names). If we could just take the adults and the self-serving politics out of teaching it would be a great profession.

Wait now, I am an adult. Nevermind.

Still frustrated though!