I Am a Runner

I started a running training program six years ago and finally finished it last week. I know that is somewhat slow progress; but I am pretty darn pleased with myself.

The program is supposed to take 10 weeks. I started after Fi was born, ran a 5k and then quit running. Started again after Jo was born and quit when we moved. Finally I started this spring with a friend and was determined to finish before the summer was over. It took me about 16 weeks, but I can run a whole 30 minutes without stopping! I have done it for two weeks in a row and am darn proud of myself.

We returned to Sarnia this afternoon after a difficult visit with my family (lots of rain, people struggling with the troubles of this world and very little physical space for anyone). As soon as was civilized, I went for a run. It felt great. It was the very first time that I have turned to exercise to help sort through my demons rather than food. I came back feeling fabulous and believing for the very first time that I am a runner.

I didn't take a watch or time my run, I just ran until I felt better emotionally. Now I feel like myself again- man does it feel good!

Risk

On my run this morning I was listening to songs randomly and most of them seemed to be pretty mellow. That wasn't great for my mood until this came on.

RISK

by Paul Brandt

I’d rather stand on the edge of a cliff
And hang my toes over a bit,
And then jump when they dare me,
Even if it scares me and I get hurt.
I’d rather build my wings on the way down,
Do my best not to fall to the ground
and then laugh at my mistakes
‘cause there only lessons I’ll learn.

I’d rather burn with desire deep in my soul,
And love like a fire that’s out of control,
and laugh and dance and fall
and chance and kiss
I’d rather live my whole life
with a sense of abandon,
Squeeze every drop out,
no matter what happens.
And not wonder what I've missed
I’d rather risk.

Well I guess I could just play it safe
and forget about love, hope and faith,
with my eye on the shore line,
keeping my boat tied and staying home,
ohhh but I’ll never discover new land
by keeping my feet on the sand
No I’d rather set sail
and get carried away by the storm.

I’d rather burn with desire deep in my soul,
And love like a fire that’s out of control, and laugh and dance and fall
and chance and kissI’d rather live my whole life
with a sense of abandon,
Squeeze every drop out,
no matter what happens.
And not wonder what I've missed
I’d rather risk.
Oh I just can’t resist,
The chance to risk
Ohhh live, and love and laugh and dance and fall and chance and kiss.

It helped me work through all the mess in my head that has been building for weeks. Now I know what I want... and I will knock on God's door with relentless requests because I don't want to live wondering "what if" anymore.

Homesick, Already?

My in-laws are the most wonderful hosts, basically giving us the run of the house and allowing us to take over their kitchen pretty much completely. But there is that comfort of familiarity that is a part of being home that helps me relax completely. Now, realistically, if we were home right now I would definitely be going stir crazy.

Perhaps my problem is not so much homesickness as school sickness. I lean heavily towards workaholism, and really love my job. Every summer I go through a bit of school withdrawl. It doesn't hit until the first honeymoon weeks of summer vacation have passed and I am itching to be 'productive'. The trouble is we don't have a home of our own to work on, are travelling for most of the summer (so I couldn't cart my scrapping stuff without leaving a family member at home), and I really shouldn't break the bank shopping, even if it is Value Village and Winners.

So, I struggle through the days where I am just itchy and irritable. I try not to take every suggestion by others as criticism, and I wait for a project.

I suppose I could be working on my French...